Roasting popular band fanbases.

Hello hello. No one asked for this, but if you find your favorite band?..Hell yeah?? Let's hope I don't touch any nerves. Enjoy

-Nixie.

-'Metallica - either a 30 year old metalhead who likes both Metallica and Megadeth, doesn't shower often and thinks having long hair cancels out any usage of shampoo OR a 16 year old 'popular' high-school girls who swears her dad used to test her knowledge about the bands playing on the radio (we both know this didn't happen) and only listens to 'Enter Sandman'; actually a chill girl, but a little annoying. Probably thinks drinking a few red bulls here and there is 'crazy'.. In 3 words: chill, musty and probably freaky. Get out.

-'Pierce the Veil - retired scene kids, 13 year old girls going through it OR 28 year old biker guys who call it 'slutty rock' for no reason. Either way, pls get help. Maybe not the retired scene kids, but how does it feel to be in a pit and watch everyone only scream the lyrics to 'King for a Day' ? Must be tough..

-'Nirvana - either the most chill person you met or the worst. No in between. Either liked Nirvana for a while or discovered them during Covid after buying a 'preppy' band tee OR the worst genre: misogynistic mf's who hate Courtney's guts. Probably also blame her while also making the most unfunniest and overused gun jokes. 'He said he didn't have a gun-' pack it up.

-'Mayhem - Guns were mentioned so I'm going with the flow. Either some 50 year old dad who still thinks they are the best and heaviest black metal band, a 14 year old fangirl who swears she could have fixed them OR a 15 year old boy who just discovered black metal for the first time and SWEARS they have the best shit (fell off before they even dropped the first album). Don't even get me started on the shippers.

-'Dream Theater - probably all retired grandpas OR 60 year old uncs. Haven't found a Gen Z dream theater fan other than myself yet. Chill band, chill ppl (I think?). But pls don't compare every band with good riffs to Opeth. 

-'Hole - Pretty teenage girls OR die hard fans in their 30s (probably all moms now), all lowkey have the same blowout hairstyle and messy way of things. I fuck with that. Do your thing girls. Also realized not many listen or know of Nirvana other than the actual fans but I support the girls nonetheless.Boy fans don't exist. Haven't met any.

-'Mötley Crüe - I think them having fans is a myth, otherwise I put you in the same box as mayhem fangirls. 0/10, take a shower. I don't wanna hear it. BUT I fuck with the fans who copy their clothing style. Hell yeah.

-'Acid Bath - pretty girls OR weird dudes in their 20s with borderline personality disorder. Not even diagnosed, they just act 'crazy' to be edgy. Please stop and listen to actual music. Take it with a grain of salt. Love yall (no..I'm just scared.)

-'Psychonaut 4 - Hell no. I don't wanna hear it. The people with arguable the worst music taste ever. All these dsbm bands and you choose that? Idk. I don't fuck with yall. Mainly just people who wanna listen to black metal but don't do any research. Pls do research and shower. 

-'Opeth - Pretty, chill, wide range of music taste but will always come back to Opeth. Maybe not the funniest but I fuck with their music taste

-'Slipknot - Musty teenagers or immature adults. Both need to buy some deodorant. Most only stick to Slipknot and Korn (don't even try to extend their music taste in metal). In the same boat as SOAD and Limp Bizkit too. I ain't making separate shit for yall. "No one hates metalheads more than metalheads" is their favorite quote. It's corny. Can't name any songs other than the ones currently trending on TikTok.

"Holy mainstream" I am aware..this is called popular bands for a reason. And no I don't feel more privileged with my 1k monthly listeners dsbm artists from spotify, I don't even know why people say that. I do NOT listen to the bands above myself (other than Opeth, Dream Theater and the occasional Pierce the Veil)

I wanna roast many others but I fear I don't have the energy for that. If your band is mentioned, don't feel attacked..unless I'm seriously talking about you, but I don't think so :). All based on TikTok 'fans'. 

- Nixie out