Is this as good as it gets?

Im sick right now, and its 5 am but I just woke up and think i should ask a question thats been on my mind for a while.

Is this as good as its going to get? (i'm totally a scholar I know dont hand me yur flowers just yet)

i mean this as saying, Is it not going to get better than the past?

I turned into an adult like 8 1/2 months ago, but i started feeling this way when i got to college. 

And i've never really been comfortable here, not for a second, for fall break I went back to my home and felt a peace I hadn't felt in two months, what felt like years. And suddenly I'm back in college, and i havent felt that serene since, The days are exactly as long as the time I spent in the beginning of my time here.

Will, if i do anything in my power, will I ever be as serene anywhere else than in My room with my family.

Everyone needs to move out eventually, "every bird has to leave the nest" and that scares me because I don't know if I'll ever be comfortable outside the nest. I'll never end my constant vigilance, even when nobody is around me, my gut will always be sucked in, Ill always hold my breath no matter how comfortable I am.

Its a scary concept for me, ive been thinking about it since I got back about a couple of weeks ago. I dont really know how to solve it, i dont really know how to make things comfortable for me, all that was done for me before.

anyway goodnight, good morning and good afternoon