tired of pretending i've moved on

It’s not that I don’t want to be in a relationship...it’s just that I can’t get myself to actually be in one. Of course I want love, I want that connection with someone. But every time I start talking to someone new, I pull away. I lose interest. And deep down, I know it’s still because of my past love.

He really hurt me… the way he left me still breaks something inside me. I think about him every single day. And even though I’ve talked to so many other guys after him, I always end up losing interest. I just don’t care. I don’t care about being in a relationship. I don’t care about anyone else.

But if he asked me to be with him again… he’d be the only one I could ever see myself with. And I don’t know how to stop that. I know nothing will ever happen between us again — but deep down, it still feels like it’s not over. Like there’s something unfinished.

And I know I have to move on. I know I can’t keep holding onto him forever. Because if I do, I’m just wasting my own time. One day I’ll realize I can actually move on — and I know I can. I really do. But it’s just not happening. I’ve been trying so hard with different people, and still… it just doesn’t work. I’m so tired.

I still hope he’ll come back. I hope everything will come back. I miss him. I miss all our memories. I miss the relationship we could’ve had… if only he didn’t act the way he did.

girl whatever

xoxo Bella