AMBER I HATE YOU

GIRLS, GIRLS, GIRLS,

Okay babes, grab a snack, a soda, maybe your pink fuzzy blanket, and get comfy ‘cause I’ve got TEA. And not that weak, lukewarm stuff — I mean boiling, scald-your-tongue kind of tea. Something went down a few days ago and I still can’t believe it. 

So for the newbies reading this (hi hotties 💋), let me introduce the villain of my story: Amber. Ugh. Even typing her name gives me an allergic reaction. This girl has been my biggest enemy since forever. You know the type — she walks around like she’s in some movie montage, pretending everyone’s obsessed with her when literally no one even noticed her until she started copying me. Like please, baby, you’re not the main character — you’re the background extra in my film. 

Anyway. Fast forward to Saturday. I was out at the mall with my dad (yes, he bought me clothes, because he actually has taste and knows I deserve nice things 💅). I was having a totally iconic day — iced coffee in one hand, shopping bags in the other, living my 2000s dream like a real-life Bratz doll — when suddenly, my dad taps me on the shoulder. 

He goes, “Isn’t that Amber’s dad?” 

So I turn around… and BABES. What I saw? I nearly dropped my brand-new lip gloss. Because there he was — Amber’s dad, right there in the food court, kissing a man. Like full-on, no hesitation, no secrets — kissing. Not a polite little cheek thing, no. I mean romantic movie lighting, dramatic music type of kiss. 

And I just stood there like… what in the midlife crisis is this? 😭 

Meanwhile, Amber’s mom is probably at home setting the dinner table, thinking her husband’s out doing “important work stuff.” Girl, the only “work” he’s doing is emotional labor with another man in the middle of the mall. 

Now, listen. I’m not one to gossip (okay maybe I totally am), but when I tell you my jaw hit the floor — it did a whole performance down there. Like, of all people, it had to be my biggest enemy’s dad. Karma really put on her platform heels and said “watch this.” 

And you know what’s crazy? The universe always delivers. Amber’s been acting like she’s better than everyone, strutting around like she invented eyeliner, when the whole time… her dad’s out here giving us plot twists. Like girl, check your own family before you come for mine 😘 

Anyway, I didn’t say anything. I just sipped my drink, flipped my hair, and whispered to myself, 

“God, I love being right.” 

Then I walked away, shopping bags swinging, my lip gloss shining, feeling like the baddest main character alive. Because at the end of the day — no matter what Amber does, no matter how hard she tries — the spotlight always finds me. 

So yeah, girls. Moral of the story? The world works in mysterious ways… and sometimes, the drama just serves itself to you on a silver platter with a pink bow. 💋 

Stay pretty, stay petty, and remember: never mess with the queen of the mall. 

xoxo, 

Juicy Baby Doll 💖