Halfway To Somewhere: Entry Four

i did a LOT of things when i was 3-4. the memories all blur together so they're all getting mushed together here in the story, too. basically, when i was around 3 or 4, my autism started to present itself in slightly minor ways. i hit all my milestones, but i had insomnia because of my autism even at that young an age. to put it simply, you're meant to grow out of NOT being able to sleep through the night. i apparently did, and then regressed and the insomnia started. on top of this, i was stimming with my hair to the point that i was ripping it out in chunks. so my mom took me to the hair salon at the BX on base and told them "cut it short enough she cant put her fingers through it" and they did! that was my pixie cut era.

after this, my mom packed my ass up and shipped me off to California with my extended family and aunts and i was terrified the entire time. i loved it, don't get me wrong, but i was so awkward even at 3-4 and was scared to talk to people i didn't know, and my mom wasn't there to protect me. but we went to the beach and the boardwalk, and i do remember the sand and the water and the beach towels we STILL OWN TO THIS DAY!! i also remember one of the younger (i think) second cousins laying in bed with me because my insomnia was bad, and watching 90s Scooby Doo with me. it made me fall in love with the series, though ive never watched it again. i just watched it every time it was on when we had cable.

i also remember the drive back home! we stopped in one of the M states (Minnesota? Missouri? cant remember and lowkey don't care enough to ask) and met MORE family. they lived in a more acreage part of land and i remember walking through this thick grass in my flip flops. i also remember them introducing me to this baby being like "she's my aunt! isn't that silly? I'm older than her and she's the one who has authority over me!" and it was the first time i realized a baby could be an aunt or uncle. it was this mind boggling thing to baby Alyssa.

then when i came home, my mom genuinely didn't recognize me. which is SO SILLY because SHES the one who cut my hair! but it had grown out a bit, and she thought they had baby swapped me for a good minute before she saw my face and was like "holy shit that's MY KID" so yeah. my mom didn't recognize me that's VERY nice of her.