poetry is a talent. and then some rambling about growing up

oh to be able to write song lyrics, to have the words flow naturally out of the crevices of ur brain and onto paper or into melodies and chords that match. i see it as poetry, and ive accepted as of my young age of sixteen that i cannot write song lyrics. i try but it doesnt come out, not even at my lowest. i can try to sound poetic, to write in a way that makes me seem smarter and more profound than i am

but then it just falls flat cause idk! its not genuine. not that my feelings i try to portray arent genuine, but i cant form those feelings into rhyming lines or things that go well with instruments

i mention my age because i truly believe that my life will get better, less boring.. ill find myself, my niches and true deep feelings. ill find the true me when i grow up. ill find my actual hobbies and how i like to spend my time outside. I see so much about other cool people. liking cool music, looking a certain way, going to parties with people similar.. i wish to party and hang out with other people, to have that connection since ive always felt disconnected from people, but im autistic, trans, and emo in the southern united states, so i have to wait before i can use my adult skills of driving and bad decisions to finally find my communities. life is beating the poop out of me so i dont go to local shows anymore, but ill try in november. theres one november 2nd and 11th that im planning to go to actually

but i digress big time. point is that ill grow up and be able to do all the fun stuff i dream to do