urges // tw - sh+suícidal idealations

i have been having the worst urge to relapse again and this is gonna be me ranting like an edgy shit head but-

i just wanna see the cuts bleeding, i love seeing the blood drip down, i love the scars it shows, even though i know my parents are gonna be distraught and such.

but i just kinda love the feel also? i hate sounding like this but i just wanna start again, i look at old pictures of my cuts, admiring them.

i hate having to pretend everything is alright, i am still mentally utter garbage.

i have been """clean""" (i am using that very loosely because i don't feel recovered) for 1/2-ish years now, but the urges never went away, idk atp lmao

i hate that venting nowadays sounds cringy and shit, but i still write down my thoughts- idrc if its public or private because i am never gonna be recovered ^_^

so might aswell give warning signs incase i am going to hang myself

the world is shit either way and i still haven't been outside or taking care of myself

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𝐻𝒜𝐼𝐿𝐸𝒴 𝒢𝐿𝒪𝒪𝑀𝐼𝐸

1761692602

Please don't relapse because once you're back in the addiction, it's 3x harder to stop. In my experience, it has really hurt the relationship with my family and has made my life way harder when I've needed to buy dresses for important events or for the summer by severely limiting the clothes I could feel comfortable wearing.

Scars will make it harder or impossible to get bigger tattoos if you are wanting that someday, and long-term it will slowly ruin your life.

Don't do it it's NOT WORTH IT!!

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Kai

1761686958

so understandable 🙏 everytime i get the urge i just write abt it. like how i see it and what i feel at the moment i’d normally do it. and by the way you’re describing it youd def be able to do that too?? maybe try that as a start and u could always make a good angsty bit outta it 🤷‍♀️ js what helps for me, trying to spread the method

take care 🖤

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