Visceral

I love crude media.

The gross, disgusting, deplorable media that's shunned and frowned upon.

Poetry writing about body horror, books depicting the grossness of life, the movies showing me the muck and filth, and songs sending chills down my spine.

I love consuming that media.

Not because of the perceived "edge", but because it makes me feel.

I love the recoil, the strong emotions, the heavy feeling in the pit of my chest. 

The thoughts whirling in my head and the guilt and disgust eating at my entrails.

The moment of breath I take in the middle of it all to take it in.

I live for this media. Because it makes me feel in a world that's overstimulated me to the point of numb.

No porn, nor gore needed.

Just decorated words describing the vile world around.

Just the repulsive thoughts in the back of people's minds voiced by art.

I love when people stare. When they judge.

For they'll never truly understand.

But do I want them to, is the real question.

I don't want to share this love.

Not per se.

I like stewing in these feelings by myself, the reality setting in.

The grim reminder that life is fleeting and that life is ugly.

That life is...visceral...

Yes...that's the word I was looking for...

Visceral...