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I do know that I am a trans guy on the aroace spectrum who likes art. But what else?
I have no personality, and yes I am still a teenager and that’s supposed to be the time you find yourself and develop your personality, but I feel behind. Usually I’m further than most of the people my age , I understand the things we learn in school quicker, I’m less childish and just really in all ways ahead of most people my age (except when it comes to social skills lol) but I don’t have a personality.
What even is a personality, I often find myself changing how I act, talk and even think depending on who I’m with. It’s kind of a confidence thing, but even if I were confident, who would I be? My whole existence feels so hypocritical and like naive (?) I guess , no one is helping me , and yes maybe it’s because I’ve always been independent and I never had to ask for help and know I don’t know how to.
I’ve been in an existential crisis for a bit, but I really can’t take it anymore , it feels like time is running out and I have too much to achieve; I want to skip a grade, go to Oxford, study medicine or math and become a scientists who’s known and respected. But I also want to be an artist, an animator and comic writer , I want people to care about what I say. I want to be the very best in every class I take, I want to have crazy knowledge and skills in bunch of different things. I feel so lost and lonely. And I know I can’t achieve all of that. I want to change the world, but right know I’m just stressed, bed rotting, getting dumber and dumber and more depressed day by day.
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✮ Jay ✮
totally get that, esp in gr 12 I feel like I have so much to do, so much I want to do, but so little time. But some days I just have to remind myself I don’t need to do all of these things at once and just be nice to myself. That even if it doesn’t see like there’s a lot of time rn, I have my whole life ahead. And I just focus on what I can do, like if I make a little progress it’s better than none, I don’t need to be harsh to myself because I “didnt make enough” and then demotivate myself further. Small progress is still progress
It doesn’t work all the time ofc, I still feel like shit half the time, but it helps a bit to remind myself that I don’t have to do everything rn, don’t have to have everything figured out rn, even if it seems that way. So just know that we do time. U have time to find urself, to figure out what u want. Even when ur an adult, u can choose one thing and then do another if u truly want, there are options for u to do the various things u desire.
And with personalities they are always changing, u won’t be consistently one with every person, every event, or every year, every feeling, etc. U may find urself and u may never “find urself” in a traditional way, but u’ll be okay both ways. There are ways to help, like exploring different hobbies, interests, musics, ideas, etc, but ur opinions may change in the future. Humans are ever changing and that’s the beauty of them! Needing words to describe things is a human trait, so I understand the desire, but u also don’t need to feel the pressure to box urself just yet! Imo, knowing ur core values is more important than that, but hell even ur values may change overtime and u may have a diff view! I just hope u’ll feel better and reach a satisfying conclusion for urself! Have a nice day.
by ✮ Jay ✮; ; Report
I'm only reading this now, but thank you stranger on the Internet!!
hearing thiings like that esp from older than me, just gives me a lot of hope and motivation !! :D
by M4gnus7; ; Report