new and exploring c:

I just found this site through a YouTuber I stumbled upon called LuvstarKei. I watched a video that they posted about making a profile here and how excited they were to try it out, and I figured I'd see if I like it, too. I think it's great that people are making an effort to return to tight-knit communities, blogging, keeping up with each other in the world rather than keeping up with the masses. When I was young, the coolest people I knew had a MySpace or a DeviantArt...something in that neighborhood. I was never one of them, but I did have accounts on both, haha. 

One of the things I can remember the internet showing me that I actually loved was fanart. I would pour over fanfics about my favorite characters, check in with people's OC's, write poems with new friends and write new stories that barely even regarded the source material - man, it was the most fun I ever had, and it never felt like a chore. 

We all thought our friends were so interesting, and we'd stay up all night talking to our little communities, commenting on a show we all liked, or just talking about work or school together. I had friends all across the world: from Kuwait, Canada, El Salvador, Ukraine. I was always so taken aback when we'd have the same opinion or similar traditions, because the way things were taught to me when I was younger made it seem like we'd never find anything in common with each other. 

I loved the feeling of kismet; that these people were always meant to connect with me. We were each other's pen pals, confidants, digital shoulder to cry on. And it was personal and important and safe from everywhere else! I just haven't found that on other sites like Discord or Tumblr anymore. 

I do think that in this day and age, everything is so visual now. Pictures and videos and dance trends are great, but I've never really liked showing my face. I wasn't really active on Instagram or Facebook for that reason. I loved the blog I used to have, but I don't really write fanfic anymore, and I was never into playing online video games with people because I'm just not that good at playing, hahaha. I also prefer story-based games, but I digress. 

Part of my support for this site, or the idea it relies on, is returning to finding your own personality interesting to engage with and share with others. Personally, I've seen this change in people over time, where they're concerned with how current their clothes are, how current your interests are, how old you sound, how good you are at keeping up with lingo - and I'm bad at all of that. I remember when it was cool to know the music your parents liked (classic rock and metal, mostly), and I remember when your clothes really didn't matter that much unless you were friends with a certain crowd of fashionistas. 

I loved seeing how the subcultures like scene, emo, hiphop, rap, goth, etc. were inspirations to be incorporated into someone's general wardrobe over time based on what they liked and who they were (with whatever money they actually had) rather than keeping up with just one style, one aesthetic, one yes or no - doing it the right way or the wrong way. It used to be that people were amalgamations of styles that all added up to their personal taste, and that was their self expression. Fairy t-shirts from Hot Topic would be mixed with those pink and black stockings turned into gloves, an updo that looked like it belonged on Paris Hilton, and then eye makeup from a Lady Gaga music video. You'd go on their page and it was 3OH!3 playing right after 1, 2, Step - Ciara. 

It's exciting to me that there might be a time where people are proud of expressing themselves again - interacting with themselves in a way that isn't as vetted and rehearsed. Of course, there will always be critiques, but I think exploring who you are in this way is healthy. I think self-worth might start to increase in the general public if we encouraged things to keep going this way. I hope that people will feel less alone, eventually. I want to stumble upon new things again from friends that take a random chance on something new and end up showing me something I never would've thought was up my alley. 

I want to read about your trip to the flea market or your Animal Crossing fascination. I want to know what food you're obsessed with this week. I would like to know about the random Build A Bear you made with your IRL friends and the stupid name you put on its birth certificate. And I think a lot more people feel the same way I do, but we've gotten more timid about approaching others over the years. I know I have, too. 

Anyway, this was a pointless rant. I just wanted to put something on my page! Thanks for visiting. :)