Life wants me dead fr

I literally am being killed from the inside 

I have thousands and thousands of thoughts of killing myself 

Almost every night I try stopping myself from strangling myself 

I feel more and more like some useless stick who cant do anything without people 

I have so many times clawed myself into my own skin by forcing my own nails longer and longer in 

What is the meaning of life if I should not be able to be happy at all 

Why should people suffer from these problems 

Why should I have to be like this instead of helping people out and talking to them

Im a worthless loser teenage dirtbag 

Anyway bye ig