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There's reasons past my understanding of innate reasons. You know, things like death, life, everything in between, it's all undone in the presence of safety. And that is what I understand the best, naturally.
I like to close my eyes and dream away while typing, trying to get a raw, unfiltred and raging memory of mind to float into my hands while typing. But this is not going to be the case. I'd like to be awake when it happens. To control it if I can.
I fear many things, I am phobic to insects, spiders, giant things and empty spaces. They each drag me through a serie of steps from the most personal and gutural Paranoia to Hallucinations. They really trip me up.
But one thing I can't fear - somehow - is death. And I don't ever get why would anyone fear it.
I fear of the things that make my life miserable, but not of the things that are straight up revoking that life. That doesn't scare me, that thought of non existence is something that I envision rather diferently.
I envision my after death as two things, both a heaven, with the golden roads and the bliss, but both a hell. A hell that is not done yet.
It always pops off as one day I'll be alive and before I can smile my last smile or eat my last meal, I'll be gone, in a blink. I'll forget what I was before this.
A mass of pure thought, floating in a perfectly ethereal body, with nothing to hold me down but also nothing to go to. Nowhere, floating in the infinite plane of solitude, in the finite yet vast void of space where light hasn't reached yet. Existing to envision, to understand nothing, since nothing exists other than I.
To envision the nothingness and be content because there's nothing else, nothing more, nothing anymore - Yes, in hell - but a cold one where I am so utterly free and doomed.
Where I will not be able to feel my face, to touch myself, to feel the air.
Where I will be just existence, or now, non existence. Without life, without laws, without anything that humanizes me for a moment even. Yet somehow, in an innate way close to that where cats know how to be cats even when no one teaches them.
I'll create, I'll live, I'll be dead and I'll be there.
gazing into the void, waiting for my gaze to connect with something.
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RWARwriter
It's dying, not death, that scares me. Dying often involves pain and suffering, often for extended amounts of time. My father died in about an hour from the start of his medical emergency to being declared dead, and he was out cold almost from the start. On the other hand, my mother lingered for two utterly agonizing years, time during which her intestines failed, and she lost an eye (among other issues). It was just painful to watch and unimaginably worse for her to endure.
The idea of death does not scare me because it's both inevitable and beyond my control. One day, all of us now alive will be dead. Personally, I believe that death is the end of the road. It's not peaceful, it's not hellish, it's not anything we could possibly perceive because our minds, the very core of our beings and that which processes external stimuli, will be dead and thus beyond feeling, seeing, hearing, tasting, thinking, or anything else. Not that our decayed nerves would fire to send messages to our desiccated brains, of course. Nothing would work because death turns us into inanimate masses of flesh, and that thought just terrifies some.
Hazel
Things inside of us die every day, outside of us death is a force of nature that makes room for new flowers. We kill the fields so stronger seeds may grow. Death can be both a welcomed chapter and one that brings much sorrow, it can steal away what we cherish most.
But isn’t that the struggle? Learning to let go of those who you love, accepting their mortality - I believe that is why death is feared. It’s not the act itself. People fear death because it is inevitable.
Out of our control.
So, to combat the fear of loss, we cherish our loved ones every breath they take. Even through pain we cherish them.
Life transcends death by leaving ripples, so even if someone dies, even if their mind and body return to the ground, their ripped echo forever. Through what they’ve made, created… we never truly die, we always leave footprints and our bones embedded into rock.
Hazel
bestie this is so girlypop of you
°❀adejwuzhere⋆.ೃ࿔*:･₊♡
talking about death doesnt fear me. feel nonchalant when it comes into conversations, acting like its just another topic i will tend to forget. however, once my mind tends to think about not being here or losing someone i love that is very close to me in day to day life (not family), i tend to fear it. overthinking of the "what if's", whether its something horrific or something thats a natural cause, it stays in my brain. but hopefully sooner or later, i will come to terms of it and shrug it off.
That's a powerful thought.
I believe people fear losing what's here, be that objects or people. It's normal.
I too fear the thought of not waking up with my girlfriend on my side, or waking up and her not smearing her saliva on the pillows.
I fear the day I will not be able to hear my father laugh, see my mother dance.
But I know, the day they day, I'll cry. But after those tears drop, I'll be the same as I ever was.
In my family death is no tragedy, when my grandfather was cremated, after a ferocious fight with a cancer. No one cried, not even my grandmother. We joked about it, we laughed together saying he'd say "The oven too cold" as he was a cook.
The only attendee who cried that day was a friend of a cousin who felt really sad about an elder dying.
It's weird. But thanks for your insight.
by Möbus; ; Report
gnormu
beautiful<3