Someone anyone comment. I need to know if this is a valid problem :/

Im noticing cycles in my life continue to repeat themselves and those patterns happen and cause identity struggle for me. I'm often mischaracterized and taken for granted and it shakes my sense of self i constantly question who i am in the eyes of others. I do and don't care, and it confuses my brain. I try to take responsibility for my experiences because i know if they keep happening im responsible for continuing letting these things happen to me. But i know it just turns into harsh self-blame because I'm trying not to judge others i observe and process, but I fear that when i express my frustration it makes me seem far too judgmental. Nothing is ever just right when it comes to my feelings and my fear of being misunderstood weighs heavily on me. I'm constantly torn between wanting to share and fearing the consequences all at once. Bottling things up makes me feel more complete and it makes me miserable feeling the way i do but I'd feel that anyway if not worse when i tell people how i feel which is always. Especially now that I'm not the same young girl i was before i have two strong bonds in my life. I'm afraid of being resented for staying silent and people thinking we've grown apart, but also afriad of being judged for speaking. Theres no winning. Im young and want to socialize and take chances to connect, to grow, to live. But those chances hurt me every single time i take one. I wanna balance the risk of emotional pain with the desire to not miss out on my life. But this life is relentless.