her

she loves black

damn, her

i was 15 and she was 17

she was quite, introvert and kinda shy that days

she had a girlfriend 

and i was aware of leys ''love''

i was just acting like i didnt realize

because i didnt love her

(but i dated her yes i know)

and when she starts to flirt with me

i started talking about star

my star

i guess ley is still hates star lol

we were not talkin to much on that days

with her

well i have a nickname for her too buttttt

she doesnt want to use it

even tho she loves it at first

her actual name has a pretty meaning tho

a verb which has a meaning of ''rise of the sun'' 

with a moon

it was pretty

still pretty

ughghhhhh i dont know what should i name her

damn i found it

it was actually 1 year ago

but its been a while we didnt have a actual conersation

so i feel like its almost 1 week ago

im gonna name her liddy now

from cigarettes out the window

when moon exit the group chat we were just a little bit close with liddy

yes we were talking but she was easy to manipulate

moons love was never two sided

she was crying for liddys attention but when she wants to talking about herself, moon immediately goes offline

liddys problem was not her family, it was her being herself

or it was like that for her

for me, she was perfect for being herself

im kinda jealous now, just thinking about it

she can study everything she wants, she was lesbian and her family was accepting her in every way

it is hard to imagine in my life

i hope her life still goes well now 

liddy just needed some confidence, some self love

it was before moons thing

it was past mignight i guess it was 1 or 2 am

we were talkin about soobin but she seemed nervous

yeah ofc i must be see myself as a magical fairy or smth

i dont remember that much but it was about her college application

shes an art student now, so yeah she succeeded

but that was precious for her

have someone whos gonna listen her for the first time

she said that she didnt know how much she needed to be heard

she was only listening in her relationships

for me, we became friends that night

for her, i dont know

i was definitelly platonic

i guess i am

but i hope i am not

i just hope that she tried to love me even for a second

but i am sure she was not

and i kinda deserved it

liddy was easy to manipulate

and moon was use manipulation for keepin liddy beside her

but ley and i decide to became a unit and take her our side

i still dont figure it now

was liddy really clueless, kinda silly and loving

if she was, then whos she now

or last year, or last month

im gonna think about it now until i fall asleep lol

i know this blog was a little complicated, was not good as grammar so soryy for that but its past midnight and i really wanted to write ToT

if theres gonna be somebody to read this one day, please dont judge me love TvT

i write this blog because i dont want to forget it

i still dont remember generally

but when i write it down i feel like im gonna remember it

actually we had a fight with liddy

and i wanted to remember what we go through. because i cant recognize her now

and i really want to figure out, if i really love her, or am i clingin into a thin line which is extending to the past

and i dont want to make it private because if i did, i propably wouldnt care abaout grammar

and if theres gonna be somebody whos gonna read this, please make sure you sleep well! sleeping is a actually great way for escape your reality

i dont have too much time for sleeping these days but with some interactive dreams, it could be fire!!

and if youre talking to someone whos really dpesnt care anything about you, just dont.

it doesnt matter how much you love them.

a relationship cant goes a mile without 2 hearts

in such a situation, the only person who gets upset is you

im talking to you maes

sorry for yapping, have good day, good night! love you someone!!