RANTTTT

i just had the worst week of this year (not of my life because i've been through so much worse) and i've been thinking that maybe i'm not meant to be here, alive, maybe i wasn't made to make it that far. maybe my life should've ended when i first tried to kms when i was like 7 or smth

nothing is ever going my way, and even when things are starting to look good, something comes in the way and sets me 10 steps back

no matter how much efforts i make, it all seems worthless in the end

i'm so far behind everyone, i've never even had a job, not that i don't need one, far from that, i just can't have one because my brain is too fucked to work properly, no matter how many pills i take, even therapists don't want to work with me anymore because my case is too much for them

i'm truly beyond repair, idk how i'm still holding on tbh, idk if i want to hold on anymore

why am i even looking forward to? being poor? struggling to make it through the month? through a week even? is that all that is waiting for me?? why should i even do??? i want to just give up, but even giving up would be too difficult because if i give up now, what's waiting for me then??? am i doomed?? maybe we all are

i was doomed since the very moment i was conceived, i shouldn't even be here