rant about my friends and problems!<3 ^o^

hiii i luv ranting and i see a buncha people doing that on here so i thought i'd try it out!! ^w^

but anywayz months ago i stopped going to school (not dropped out just doing work at home now) and ever since then i havent met with any of my friends or talked to them a lot. im starting to think they dont care or havent really cared about me before even though the friend that i hanged out with the most tellz me she'd choose me over anyone but i know thats not true bcuz ik she loves her boyfriend more than anyone else. all my life ive had people take my friendz away from me and by that i mean that they get a boyfriend and suddenly im not important to them anymore. it happens everytime ive never had a friend that lasted more than 2 or 3 years!! they always find someone new. but i havent been all that upset because i still have my online friends that i talk to and call everyday and they really care about me and how im doing so im glad that theyre in my life even tho ive never met them before<3 but recently ive come to realise how much of a loser and loner i am, i never go outside and i only ever talk to my dad and brother the most (i dont talk to my mom that much anymore she moved out) i stay in my room playing games and watching youtube and staying up all night with a messed up sleep schedule.. i feel like ive barely changed while all of my friends are moving on with their life and getting boyfriends going out late at night and doing fun stuff while i rot away in my room all day and not going out for literal months. i go out atleast once a month with my dad to buy snacks. thatz it. and not to mention i am not doing well in school either, i have no motivation to do the work that they give me and i dropped down a level in maths and ive been doing horribly (i HATE my maths teacher.) i really think that im not going to have a future at all or atleast not a good one if this is the way i continue to keep going. every friend i know has a partner and boyfriend or atleast had one before but ive never had one ever. even when i was going to school no one tried asking me out (except this one guy but he was a total weirdo and asked literally every girl out!!) ive always wanted a boyfriend i do also like girlz but i prefer guys more and i would prefer having a boyfriend. but i dont think ill ever get one and the thought of it makes me upset knowing ill probably be alone forever. i crave physical intimacy and i stay up at night reading fanfics and have fantasies about my favourite characters. ive even made some of my own fics and also i luv playing dating games a lot ive played a lot of them!! i really like to imagine that one day ill meet someone and that itll just be like one of my romance stories from a manga or fanfic... (yes im delusional and weird) i hope that one day ill be able to turn my life around and live how i want (i wanna live alone in the future in a cozy apartment and maybe make like a buncha friends and get a good job or a job where u can work from home) but with how bad my depression and social anxiety is idk how long im gonna last but its wtv idc anymore. -_- 

end of my rant!! if u read all this i automatically luv you!! ^-^