life is a series of repeaating pain and joy

do you know what its like to have such a deep rooted pain inside of you without being able to point to an exact reason why

im so lonely. when i want someone to talk to i realise i actually dont have anyone. and its an overstatement because i have people, but it feels like when i need someone in an immediate moment i dont really have someone. i feel so lonely all the time no matter what.

my best friend is the best friend ive ever had, i think, but i wonder if she feels the same way? can i really fit in anywhere, be the same as other people? because i feel like i never will be able to. i have been robbed of a normal life from the very start.

im sorry for rambling. not that i think anyone would read this.