something strange happened today (10/24/25)

last night i had a dream abt this guy ik (named m for now) and in the dream he wanted to kiss me so when he saw me he said smth like "someones gonna get a kiss" or smth n then looked RIGHT at me

OKAY WAIT THAT SOUNDS REALLY BAD but i PROMISE it was cute in the dream

and then for the first time like ever in a dream i had butterflies in ts stomach and ts was so strange? and then for the remainder of the dream i was excited for ts kiss but i never got it

there was another part of the dream where i was on a killer cruise ship but thats irrelevant

anyway when i woke up i was like "hmm... m. is he fine shyt or chopped shit?" and i made a pros and cons list in my head

PROS

• super sweet
• plays the piano really well
• is smart
• kinda cute
• okay hes pretty cute
• has interesting interests (ie not football and video games)

CONS

• kinda weird
• dont know him too well

and as you can see the pros are OVERPOWERING but i never ACTUALLY felt any attraction to him before. and then ig this dream awakened something in my subconscious to my conscious and then i started feeling butterflies when i thought of him

VERY IMPORTANT POINT:

I've NEVER experienced feelings like this for somebody before. i was scared. i didnt like ts feelings. but i didn't know that rn.

in the comfort of my bed before rising, ts was like a sweet memory

and then i got to school

i have 3/4 classes with him today and we sit in the same classroom at lunch. 

FUCKKKKK!!!!!!

well actually i didnt know it was a problem yet

---

when i got to school, i told my friend cuz like idk why not n she mentioned that maybe it was subconscious whatever, and i was like "uh okay" and i went to class, which i had with him. we didnt talk in that class and i lowkey barely saw him so whatever.

then my second class it was really bad

we didnt talk together for that class cuz we dont sit next to each other

BUT!!!!

every time i LOOKED at him i got butterflies

it was so weird

and i was like scared. cuz i never experienced that before and i REALLY didnt like it

but not bc of him just cuz of the feelings

lunchtime!

---

i told my friends about all this and i told them how cooked i was and i was scared n they just said things like "awww" and "lets find him!!!!!" and so i gave up

but then we went to where we usually ate and he was there cuz hes always there and my friends WENT INTO TS CLASSROOM and i scrammed cuz i was scared.

then after they found me again and they asked me "was it hoodie or polo guy?" and i was like "polo" and they both said "EWWW"

:(

but then for half of lunch we played volleyball and i let myself forget about it

and then i was feeling cocky so we decided to eat at our normal spot, where he was, and at first it was whatever and then i forgot how but me n m were in a convo and oh my lord it was super overstimulating. i was like sweating butterflies jeez louise.

n then after lunch me n my other friend escaped n she told me "he actually wasnt that bad" and then we went our separate ways

:)

and then we had our next class together too but i didnt see him cuz it was geo and we were both like falling asleep (he sits in front of me so i saw him with my head down) while i thought about things

1. do i like him?
2. if he kissed me would i let him?
3. would i be okay if we were together?

theyre all maybes btw

n then i daydreamed about after school:

i was staying after to watch my friend's vb game (they won btw) and he always stays after school cuz he doesnt take the bus. and when he stays after school he always plays the piano. so i was thinking about like what if i sat with him while he played ts piano?

:)))

BUT THEN

and this is the most confusing part

ts feelings went away

i think?

i dont feel what i felt then and when i saw him later in the day the feelings were a lot less.

it reminds me of when im mad at somebody, i get over it supes dupes quick. but this is a really different emotion. 

idk

IN CONCLUSION

1. i never want to feel that way again about someone who im not with
2. i actually have no idea if i like him
3. i know for a fact he doesnt think of me as anything more than a friend (if that, even)
4. i dont want another feeling mood swing to happen like this one again

good lord i yapped too much

thought i was gonna keep ts short but ig not?

anyway thanks for reading if u did :) just had to get ts off my chest