The Illusion of Completion

Your life doesn't start until you meet someone else. This is how most of us have come to think. Society romanticizes the idea that love completes you. The "broken down" lonely person becomes "fixed" when they meet their forever partner, and the shy, bookish girl comes out of her shell when she meets the extroverted man, realizing that life has more meaning than her silly little hobbies. Movies, books, and social media make it seem like your life means nothing until someone else comes along to fill in all the gaps. However, this mindset keeps people chasing relations instead of building a relationship with themselves. You are not a half, you are a whole, entire person. 

I get tired of everyone holding "a relationship" onto this shrine to showcase their value of how wanted they are. Too often, I see people making a "resume" on Spacehey to display their availability or DM people they find attractive in hopes of gaining a partnership. Of course, this isn't JUST confined to Spacehey; this can be found wherever you might happen to look. School, work, social media, etc. Clearly, validation can become addictive. It's the constant cycle of needing to feel chosen to feel secure with yourself. Having a relationship has turned into gaining a participation badge or some kind of gold trophy rather than its pure meaning. 

Solitude gets confused with loneliness, but I have found that they are far from the same. A lot of people don't actually want love. They want the distraction. Being alone is uncomfortable because it forces you to face the parts of yourself that you have been avoiding. Yet, it is the only way you actually start to understand yourself. Insecurities, self-doubt, and the weighing of your own thoughts can be overwhelming, but solitude is the one place where you can be who you are without a witness. Over time, solitude can deliver crucial skills. You learn how to comfort yourself without relying on someone to do it for you. It allows a break from social obligations and distractions. It encourages introspection and self-awareness, which lets you process your thoughts, emotions, and experiences. 

Emotional dependence seems to disguise itself as romance; constant texting, needing reassurance, feeling "off" when they are not around. When happiness depends entirely on someone else's mood or presence... You have lost your sense of stability. A partner shouldn't feel like a lifeline. Partnership means wanting someone for more than just to gratify yourself. 

It's not about loving every part of yourself every single day. That's unrealistic. It's about accepting who you are when everything else is stripped away. Self-love is a reflection on what you've accomplished or what you regret... and deciding to forgive yourself anyway. It's forgiving yourself for how you used to cope when you didn't know any better. It's being kind to the version of you who was trying to survive. 

When you learn to show up for yourself... You stop craving for people to do that for you. Loving yourself doesn't make you invincible; it just makes you self-aware (which might be invincible in its own right). 

All in all, being single is not a waiting period; it's an active part of WHO YOU ARE. You need to learn independence, resilience, and how to enjoy your own company. You start to build a life that feels good without any romantic involvement. You realize that love isn't just romantic; it comes from family, friends, hobbies, and routines. When you stop treating being single as something to "fix," it becomes something to LIVE through. You grow into someone who doesn't need romantic love for validation, which ironically makes your next relationship healthier and deeper. 

"If you can't love yourself.. how in the hell are you gonna love somebody else."
-Rupaul

I hope this wasn't TOO much of a headache to get through. Hopefully, I'll get to proofreading it later and fixing some repetitive sentences. Anyways.. toodaloo!

XOXO

-Kaiya