when i was younger...

when i was younger i had a red cloth, with green and yellow leaves/flowers. i think it came from a ripped up scarf.

there were multiple pieces of it, and they were always there -- lying somewhere in my childhood home and waiting to be used for one of my pretend play sessions with my toys. 

i remember always seeing at least one of the pieces whenever i rummaged through my closet to find clothes. i remember using it as a picnic blanket for me, my dolls, and my fake tea set. i remember smelling it and having no doubts that it was the same fabric that i begrudgingly parted ways with before school.

i still have it. one piece, at least. it's much smaller than i remember it being. a kinder thought would be that it shrunk, but more realistically, it seems that i grew. i now recognise the smell as one of being stashed away in various sheds over the years; it does not give me the young and clear lungs that i keep expecting to receive whenever i breathe it in.

i still have the squeaky toys and plushies that i drank 'tea' with on top of this cloth. i remember crying in front of them, comforting them and putting them to sleep with the ripped scarf as a blanket, because i felt bad that they had to see me cry and be unable to do anything about it.

i don't have many memories of my childhood, and i don't know if the ones i do have are even real. but i remember this cloth, and the proof of its existence is sitting right on my lap as i type this.