Does anyone else feel like they can't piece together the parts that make up their identity?

Like, for example, I LOVE girly things and pink. My walls are pink, my curtains are pink, my shelves are full of cute girly stuff... but I also like completely opposite things. I listen to harsh music, consume harsh media, et cetera. And as much as I would like to compromise, it just feels impossible, like one part is rejecting the other. It's like I'm two different people who hate each other, but that implies a level of things I'm not ready to think about that hard.

Don't get me wrong, I've thought about being some sort of plural before? I frequently use Simply Plural and other tracking apps for harsher switches, ones I understand are different from me. But this just isn't that, I can't define it or put it away into a corner. A subsystem, maybe? But why such a contrast? 

(People also say I've got signs of being bipolar but I feel like that's based on stereotypes and I'd like to look into the diagnostics before coming to any conclusions)

It infuriates me a lot to think about because it's just so out of my realm of understanding. No one's been able to tell me it's normal for sure, even my parents don't grasp it. I'm not diagnosed with anything beyond audhd so I wouldn't know if even the plural stuff is true.

I really like this quote from Homestuck. "Growing up, it's hard and nobody understands." Come on!!!!!! I feel this really hard. No one knows what's wrong with me and apparently it's all just a part of growing up and finding a place in the world. And all of it is exhausting.

I wish I could just like girly things.