Current thoughts

I suppose this is the place where I just dump whatever's on my mind at this moment? 

I know my activity here is rather spotty, that's mostly due to me not even knowing what do I want to do with this place. I've thought this might be a beacon where all my stuff can just congregate in, a place people can look in if they really wanted to get to know me for, but at the same time... I rather just keep everyone at a distance. I'm not good at keeping up with connections, dealing with commitments only to find out me and the other party don't really have anything in common. It's a waste of time, and I don't have a lot of that anymore thanks to a little thing called 'a job', they told me I need it for survival. 

I don't want to sound like I'm an overly downcast person but at the end of the day, there's not much positivity in life for me to feel like any of it is worth living. Don't get me wrong, I very much want to enjoy living. 

When I came to this place, I was hooked on the idea of just entering another world, away from all the stupid corporate bullshit that's going on in the web that made everything so homologous. Nothing is like before when the web was an exciting new frontier, inviting you to explore its depths. I want to return to that childlike wonder, not knowing where I'll stumble on next, finding a small pocket of people that enjoy the same stuff I do. 

I don't want to use something like Discord to find that. I don't. 

I'll do anything to find that sort of sanctuary, but how I would even know what that even looks like? Is that something I have to make for myself? Would anyone even join something like that? 

I know a lot what I'm saying is just full of contradictions, but hey, this is a spot where I can just say all kinds of random crap right? 

I do think of myself as a creative person, I can draw, but I lack the drive to even improve my craft. I am a storywriter, but I don't even want to show off my fiction. 

I think I'm just a coward, complaining all this crap and yet I'm not doing anything to make a mark in this world. 

I'm really am just a work in progress. Sorry if I just seem so overbearing, lol.

I'm still trying to figure things out.