Poor Motor Skills

Genuinely, does anyone else have this sort of problem?

 For a few years growing up, I’d walk very stiffly—to the point my mother made fun of me for it—and after trying to change the way I walked, my body gave up and I walked weirder than before, which tanked my self confidence at a young age. 

During the first few months of the lockdown, I wasn’t able to get outside much, and I really started messing up my body because I thought I could hide away forever. The lockdown didn’t affect my social skills, because I lived in a very lively neighborhood, but it did affect my motor skills due to being cooped up. As a result, I developed a stutter and my walking ability was basically shot. 

Fast forward to present-day, I now work in a diner as a host, and I bus tables, take food to customers, and have to run around the entire restaurant constantly. I’ve began to notice that my motor skills have not improved whatsoever, and whenever I turn corners, my whole body sort of leans to one side (depending on which way i’m turning,) and I constantly feel like i’m walking incorrectly. My balance is shitty and I’m always falling over, unable to redirect my body upright. 

Also, because I’m move active now, i’ve had incredible back and knee pain, and my anxiousness about how I walk has increased, since i’m being watched by everyone in the diner, and I still don’t know what to do with my arms and hands whilst I walk. Another terrible thing is that I now walk knock-kneed—it’s very embarrassing. Even when Im walking around at college, I can’t wear headphones for very long because of how scared I am of not hearing what people are saying around me or if breathing too loudly (being in silent public spaces is nerve-wracking as is, and i’ve had this specific issue since I was little.)

I think most of it comes from being overly conscious about how I’m perceived in public, so maybe I should start with tackling my mental stress and working my way from there.