Learning to be alone

In my day to day I feel lonely, being next to someone and seeing how many notifications arrive when I get a pod and I got one of pinterests, I know that I am surrounded by people I know that I can say “they are my friends” but, do they consider me their friend?

Little by little I was thinking about that, I saw how I was always the one who had to look for others, but they were never the first to write to me first, only in specific things or rarely, I realized that sometimes I mentioned something or started talking to try to bring up topics people sometimes didn’t pay attention or started talking to someone else, I wondered if the problem was me, if I talked a lot, if I said something wrong, in a nutshell I made me overthink if I was the problem, many times the problem is the Person and not the rest, then I was worried and tried to solve things to see if something changed, but it’s always the same.

Talking about the subject with a friend, he told me that he could give me a week just for me, without me looking for anyone, taking into account that at school it was going to be something difficult I tried, but at the end of the week I continued to be the fool looking for others and ending up in the same thing.

When I downloaded Spacehey I intended to meet people simply decorate the page, but as I discovered more and more, I wanted to meet people, although I think it is even more difficult, I am not a person to take the initiative or to have many topics of conversation, I always try to be careful, ask or apologize for certain reasons so as not to make other people uncomfortable or disturb.

I think that looking for friends on the internet can sometimes be more difficult than in person but in the end it is still the same in my case, people I know but if I don’t look for them it is unlikely that they will look for me.

I want to try to give myself time for myself, that I don’t look for anyone and they look for me, I don’t know if I’ll be bad at doing it but I just want to get out of that routine and think about myself for once, give myself time to get to know myself better and even look for things that I truly consider my favorites, learn to do more crafts and finish reading two books I have, look again for the desire to enjoy my loneliness and do things that I like.

HAHA I just wanted to write what I felt and I don’t know, I was bored