Peek-a-boo Math

Not a great day today because it's Monday. But it's not because school starts again, but because of all the dumb crap I've got to do. It will sound complacent, but I have Math tutoring and boxing after and I really don't want to do either. I dread it every waking hour of every day. 

Not only that, but I forgot there was a Math test today and I was legit kind of dying. I don't know how to explain it, but it made me feel dead inside. I didn't even want to try, so I practically gave up before starting. I left it almost completely blank because I'm not doing this anymore. I'd rather fail than even put an ounce of effort. Sure, it's not a productive way of dealing with school or life, but I can't help it. I'm so used to giving up that it's practically second nature. 

Imagining myself in 10 years, or even 5 is absolutely insane to me because, do I really think I'm going to survive till then? Do you think I will survive? I struggle with taking care of myself with my parents, how am I going to take care of myself when I'm alone? How am I sure that I can do all of that? The answer is I'm not, and it honestly scares me. 

I kind of want to die right now. So long, partner.