Emotions are weird and confusing

Ok, so there's this girl... And yes, it happens to be the same one from the last time I was on here talking about a girl: my best friend. I think I like her. I mean, every time I see her I'm tempted to say, "[her name], I'm in love with you, and I've been in love with you since we tried dating." But I can't, because even if we did try dating again, she's still not over her most recent ex. 

But I'm conflicted. I think I love her, but at the same time there's this weird feeling I have when I think of her. It's not just love, I think it's jealousy as well, because I don't think it's hatred or annoyance. It's the same feeling I get when she mentions how much she misses her ex or how cute this guy in her class is. But I'm afraid of not actually liking her and instead only liking the idea of her, the idea of being in a relationship. I want to be the one who takes her on dates and gives her cute little gifts every month and holds her. I want to spend all of my free time with her, just talking or laying there watching the sun set and the sky turn to stars, and then watch those. But what if I only like the idea of that, and it could be with anyone and not her??

But thinking about it with just anyone feels weird. Thinking about it with her makes me feel warm. But then there's the subject of does she like me? Well, truth is, it doesn't matter if she does or not. We had a conversation about a similar topic, and she admitted that she wouldn't want to date me because she doesn't want to lose the friendship we have if things go south. Which is fair, because it's what happened with her last ex. I don't want to lose our friendship either - she's my best friend. But I want to take a chance, because what if it doesn't go south and we're the best couple the world has ever seen? Although statistically, something will go wrong. That's how it always seems to end up. But then again, maybe not? We're not incompatible after all. 

I want to be held by her. I want to be loved by her. I want to love her, and every time I talk to her I have to refrain from telling her that I love her. She's just so perfect in every way. Not to mention we agree on most things, which I know isn't a requirement for dating someone, but it helps. And it's not in the weird way either where we just agree with each other, oh no. I'll bring something iffy up and be like "maybe I'm just weird about this" and she'll say "no I completely agree."

Like HOW COULD ANYONE LEAVE HER??? How did her last 3 exes fumble so hard?? She's just so perfect. I know it's never going to happen, but for the life of me I want her to take a chance on me. Please. I need her in my life forever. I can see her and I years from now surely. 

Jules, I love you so much. I'm so lucky to have you in my life.