Life :0

Idrk what I'm doing anymore... This is a vent-ish ig?

So this is my first blog 😶 lowkey scared

Anyways, I kinda want to run away from home. I can't say a lot but everything seems so boring, like we weren't made to work a 9-5, go to school, sleep, eat, live in houses, and hate our lives. I just want to escape from everything really. My family, even my friends make me wanna run away. Theres just so much drama and I get jealous so easily and I feel like none of them even like me. Theres a lot going on and I dont know if I can explain it all, my thoughts get really jumbled up when I'm finally able to express myself (I'm not able to a lot) and I don't make sense. My parents constantly call me lazy, useless, dumb, special needs, etc. They also threaten to hit me and my siblings, they have another on the way as well.

I want to run away, go to another state with my friend, live free, hell even steal things because what's the point of money, I want to babysit and do small jobs to get by. Idrek, I want a tragic life but one that ends in a happy ending, like when I die, Ill feel bliss, weightlessness. Yknow? 

But I just moved into a new house and my parents are doing my room even tho I don't want them to and I feel guilty because I feel like ill leave in the next year or so...

I also have a baby sibling coming on the way and I want them to end up better than my other siblings, not raised corruptly by my parents, I feel like I have the weight to raise my sibling on my shoulder.

And my friends drama is getting better but I've had drama since preschool NOT JOKING. I just want to get away from it all.

TW: SH and slewerside

Ive had therapy, Ive tried SH, Ive tried attempting, Ive tried everything, talking to people, bottling it up, nothing works and I want to leave. I don't know if I want to leave the world, my place in the universe or my life in my town, my city, my school, my family.

Can someone listen to me? Or ask me anything? This place feels anonymous, I know it's not, but I'm not well known so it doesn't seem as bad to talk about it on here. I hope none of my IRL friends see this  :// theyre already concerned. Everyone's concerned, they ask me what's wrong and I don't answer. I don't know whats wrong. I'm just not in the right life, the right body, the right form, the right home... Someone talk to me please.