Short Mysterious Chapter of My Life

A month ago i broke up with my s/o, and same day i seen an ad where this guy was trying to start a band. Im musically gifted, able to play by ear and learn really fast, i never learned how to read sheet music properly but of course that doesnt matter in a metal band. i joined the band as the bassist, even tho im more experienced with guitar, cause no way i could shred xD

We all had great band chemistry and liked the same types of music which made it easier to work together, plus our vocalist has all sorts of connections he said he could find us gigs and stuff we could get paid for them and everything. So a like a week and a half after joining we have a jam sesh together and it was EPIC!!!1 The guitarist was CRAZY good, the vocalist has crazy screams and the drummer is kinda up there but no worries since i hadnt practiced in 2 years lmao, and drums require an insane amount of coordination, i didnt expect the guy to sound like joey jordison obviously. We were all evenly matched in my head, the guitarist and vocalist being the most skilled in my opinion but we all had fun, thats what i cared about.

Joining a band after loosing two of my daily people really held me together after some drama and a break up so i was overjoyed to be in a band cause if not i wouldve been incredibly lonely, being a part of something was my light.

As youve noticed im speaking about all of this in the past tense, thats for a reason.. a week after our first practice they kicked me from the band, i wasnt technical enough, although in any band that isnt like jazz or something bass is practically never heard from, i felt like following the guitarist and adding some fills every now and again was enough but i guess not. This DESTROYED me, not for long tho but i just felt crushed. I feel like i handled it well, i definitely wasnt practicing enough so i felt like it was reasonable to not be on any type of big stage, i just let the drummer know ill always support them, i love watching people grow and even tho i couldnt be a part of it id love to see how far they go.

Im and extremely positive person but for a moment after being removed i felt insecure, rejected, insufficient, i felt like i was removed cause im trans, i felt like some how in some disastardly autistic way i fucked up being manly enough for a group of guys and made them all uncomfortable or something stupid like that. Obviously its not like that they were all extremely supportive and didnt even care that im a trans dude.

Then literally yesterday the vocalist posted that the drummer was actually really iffy and wanted to remove alot of people from the band so they broke off and just decide to start anew and get a different drummer. Thats so odd to me because the drummer was the one who started up the band and desperately wanted one, im guessing he just wasnt prepared for all of that, i sure was, i love learning as i go, and im really good at just making simple melodies i feel like i wouldve made a perfect bassist, but meh life is life. I made such an effort to hide my band from my family and friends cause i wanted it to be a crazy surprise to be like "i have a show friday" out of nowhere and everyone be like "whaaaaa" but life works in interesting ways, im glad i did that tho, since i dont have to disappoint anyone and be like im not in my band anymore after like two weeks LOL!

Anyway thats all, just wanted to talk about that cause i had some stuff to say that i didnt really get to tell anyone and this is my blog after all lel.