Yumeshipping as an Adult

It makes me so happy to see that yumeshipping has become a relatively common thing. It seems like it's kind of the new kin community which is a bit scary, but it's also nice to know that yume culture has entered the mainstream.

I didn't have the language for it for a very long time, but I've been yumeshipping for about 11 years now. My first F/O was Edward Elric from Fullmetal Alchemist, I was 9 years old and decided I would rather be with him than a boy in my class. Words like "aromantic" and "selfshipping" wouldn't enter my vocabulary until years later, but I think I knew I was more comfortable with this scenario than a traditional relationship.

In 2018 I learned about Akihiko Kondo, the man who married Hatsune Miku. There was a split second of laughter over the absurdity of the situation, but very quickly that feeling was replaced with joy. At this point I had gone quiet about dating Edward, but he still held a very special spot in my heart. Learning about Kondo was like discovering a whole new world, but I wasn't quite ready to explore it yet.

In about 2021 I discovered the selfship community on Tumblr, and finally had language like "F/O" and words for my sexuality.. I was in a relationship IRL that I didn't exactly want to leave, but I don't think I was ever satisfied in either. A year later The Batman came out, then Riddler: Year One, and I was smitten. This lead me to get involved with the community, at least subtly.

I never did want art of me with the characters I liked. I never wanted to make a self insert or anything either. Even things like having people tell me the character loved me felt strange. For me, concepts like fictosexuality and objectum sexuality go hand in hand, which in turn go hand in hand with my aroaceness. The fact that my F/O is fictional and cannot reciprocate is crucial to me. I am in control of the relationship as it exists purely in my head, I have no desire for my F/O to become real, or to perceive them as real. I don't believe in the multiverse theory and don't care about sharing. I have no trouble with others holding these beliefs, but to me the fun of yumeshipping is that it's pure fantasy.

These things still reign true for me. In Feburary of this year, a friend I had at the time recommended me DRAMAtical Murder. It took a while for me to warm up to him, but by the time I finished my first route I was completely enamored with Aoba, the main character. 

It was a strange feeling, I felt more connected to him than I ever had with another character. I usually had no problem juggling a few F/Os at a time, but for once I wanted to dedicate my whole self to Aoba. Maybe it's because we share symptoms of the same ailments and illnesses, but it felt like I was meant to find out about this character.

Within the game, Aoba is a beacon of hope. He was born as the embodiment of death, and over the course of his life rejected this fate in order to become the embodiment of life, or rebirth more specifically. I started incorporating this thought into my everyday life. That I also don't have a set fate, I don't have to suffer... I can make something new for myself. He became somewhat of a beacon of hope for me as well.