i dont have a cock and im sad + ivan

i will never be a real boy. i will never be a real boy. i will never be a real boy. i will never be a real boy. i will never be a real boy. i will never be a real boy. i will never be a real boy. i will never be a real boy. i will never be a real boy. i will never be a real boy. i will never be a real boy. i will never be a real boy. i will never be a real boy. . i will never be a real boy. i will never be a real boy. i will never be a real boy. i will never be a real boy. i will never be a real boy. i will never be a real boy. i will never be a real boy. i will never be a real boy. i will never be a real boy. i will never be a real boy. i will never be a real boy. i will never be a real boy. i will never be a real boy. i will never be a real boy. i will never be a real boy. 

I will never be myself because myself is too unreal and has not existed since the times i rode an elsa bike and wore plastic skirts when i was 4. after that it was never me. just someone who looked like me and "acted" like me. i will never be a real boy. i feel numb but sad and mad all in one. i will never be a real boy. i will never be a real boy. i will never be a real boy. i will never be a real boy. i will never be a real boy. i will never be a real boy. i will never be a real boy. i will never be a real boy. i will never be a real boy. i will never be a real boy. i will never be a real boy. i will never be a real boy. i will never be a real boy. i will never be a real boy. i will never be a real boy. i will never be a real boy. i will never be a real boy. i will never be a real boy. i will never be a real boy. i will never be a real boy. i will never be a real boy. i will never be a real boy. i will never be a real boy. i will never be a real boy. i will never be a real boy. i will never be a real boy. i will never be a real boy. i will never be a real boy. i will never be a real boy. i will never be a real boy. i will never be a real boy. i will never be a real boy. i will never be a real boy. i will never be a real boy.  I. WILL. NEVER. NEVER. NEVER. NEVER. NEVER. BE. A. REAL. REAL. BOY. NEVER EVER EVER EVER. i will never be a real boy. i will never be a real boy. i will never be a real boy. i will never be a real boy. i will never be a real boy. i will never be a real boy. i will never be a real boy. i will never be a real boy. i will never be a real boy.  I WILL NEVER BE A REAL BOY. IM JUST A LIAR A FIBBER A FABULIST A DDDDDDDDDDIKE. im not a lesbian stop singing girl in red around me if that is the last thing you want to say to me for my entire life. 

backstory: i was with my friends who dont really like me. Ivan, who im closest to by far, said "there are too many people here" and basically told me to get out (i dont have a cock and thats mmmmMY FAULT???) and i just said "ok" and i left. since boys dont cry and as richard butler once said, "no teeArs". i will never be a real boy. also that song from the south park movie echoed in my mind, "theres the girl that i like" for some reason. im not leaving the house this weekend or this week or even the future. I trusted ivan i really did. i listened to his uninteresting nerdy rantings and  i text him quite regularly (he doesnt text back though) and i just feel fucking sad and pissed at the same time. what the fuck. i told him. about my gooning habits to lous griffin/J (its a JOKE) 

i will never be a real boy. 

ivan will never be a real boy in my book. well hes sadly real. but i dont want him to be resl in my life anymore. i dont want him dead but that was a pissy move dude.