Lolita fashion retrospective: A year (and something) in

Lolita fashion has always been on my mind. As a harajuku fashion enthusiast, I've admired it from afar ever since my teenage years. I was very into anime, and that opened the way for me to learn about jfashion and its subcultures. I was particularly drawn to decora and lolita, but it never occurred to me it was something I could wear myself. It was only after I moved countries to study abroad, with the newfound freedom that one gets from living alone, that I thought: What is stopping me from trying it out? I have a couple of cute hairclips here and there and... oh!! Newfound obsession acquired!!

During this whole time, ideas surrounding my gender identity kept expanding and evolving. I used to hide in pretty neutral or masc clothes, in part due to dysphoria, but I kept slowly pushing the envelope with decora fashion. At the beginning, I kept it pretty neutral; sure, I am dressing all colorful and cute: but No Makeup, No Skirts, No Dresses. However, after being a decora for almost two years, I kept expanding my horizons a little bit each time. A little bit of glitter in the corner of my eye, a little (or a lot) of blush here and there... a skirt?? A DRESS??

I realized that, at some point, when you've pushed the boundaries of gender and expression so much, everything goes nor here nor there; what is the matter if I put a little more makeup or a little less? If the cloth I'm wearing is less or more drape-y?

It was also during this time that I started getting more involved in my local harajuku fashion community (to the extent of my socializing abilities, which is, well, not a lot). Here, the idea of lolita fashion entered my mind again. There were so many lolitas in my local comm, so many of them which also dabble in decora or are decoras themselves. 

And so, a seed was planted....

Three years in, my outfits were less restrictive than ever before. I realized I did have a liking for more "feminine" attire as well (though I renounce the label). But my wardrobe was lacking in dresses and skirts, as they were items I had not worn at all during my teenage years. I kept thinking to myself that, if the time was right, and I found an item that I really really really loved, I would get into lolita fashion. I needed to find something I knew I would be fully comfortable with, that I knew I would wear enough to get my money's worth. I was aware that lolita fashion could be very expensive, and I do not have the best spending habits as I can be quite impulsive. In the meantime, I would keep consuming lolita content through all of the lolitas I started following on social media.

But, eventually...

...

The day came.

I was browsing through Instagram and saw an announcement through Madame Chocolat's Instagram stories: Violet Fane was closing down.

Mind you, I had no clue what Violet Fane was. But I saw they were hosting a clearance sale, so I went to their Instagram page to check.

And there... I saw it...

An equally exciting and dreadful feeling rushed through my body. 

"This is it. This is the one... This is what finally gets me into lolita fashion".

I bought the red apron from their store, as I knew I could also coord that with my non-lolita wardrobe. I still wasn't too committed, so I didn't want to jump and buy something super expensive right off the bat.

But I couldn't stop thinking about it.

I did research online and found some places that were still selling Happy Tartans. The best and most convenient one of all was Atelier Pierrot, that had all the colorways for the skirts and short sleeved blouses.

Since I loved all the colorways, I could not decide which one I wanted to purchase (in the hypothetical case that I would purchase any, of course). So I did what any sane person would do and put all the combinations on a Miro board, thought of all the pros and cons of each, calculated the price for each combination and talked about it non-stop asking my friends for advice.

Eventually I did end up buying it (shocker!!!) and I decided to go with the yellow colorway both for the skirt and the shirt.

And, long story short, that's how I got into lolita fashion, wore lolita for the first time to my graduation, and opened a rabbit hole that I'm afraid will never close.

It has been more than a full year since I got into Lolita fashion, and it somehow feels like it's been a part of me forever. Maybe because I've always admired it from afar, or because it feels like such a natural evolution to my self discovery journey. 

But there's certain aspects of this fashion that have improved my life in quantifiable ways.

First, as someone who comes from decora fashion, it is way easier and faster to put together a lolita coord. I love decora fashion with all my heart, but my life has gotten increasingly more overwhelming since I started my fashion journey; the many accessories and layers of decora fashion can prove to be extremely overstimulating when not in the right headspace. And so, lolita fashion is a more manageable way to wear jfashion during these trying times.

Another great consequence to come out of this is that it got me into sewing!!! I had always wanted to learn, but it felt like such a daunting task. But, after starting through small accessories, headdresses and ties, I decided it was time to upgrade, and ended up hand-sewing a tiered skirt, and a tartan set with a matching skirt and capelet. Hand-crafting these was genuinely one of the highlights of last year, and I have not stopped sewing my own stuff ever since. Now I have a sewing machine, which makes my life way easier, though.

Lolita fashion has also made me more conscious about my consumption habits. Each and every item is an art piece, which makes me take closer care of the things that I own. I already did not engage with fast fashion much as a decora; I did a lot of DIY, and most of my pieces are thrifted, upcycled, hand-me-downs... but EGL brings a new layer to this habit, as its secondhand market is a lot more specific. The pieces being sold by lolitas are not discarded items, like you would find on a regular thrift store; they're pieces being taken care of and waiting for their new owner to appreciate and take care of them as well.

With it being such an expensive hobby, it really makes you stop and reflect on your purchases way more. Do I really need this? Is this a smart purchase? What would this add to my wardrobe? So on and so forth. It has made me less impulsive; sure, it has been out of necessity, as I cannot afford to ever go all out on an EGL shopping spree. But the habit has also spread to other areas of my life, which I really appreciate. 

However, this can be a double edged sword as well. My impulsive tendencies are still present, regardless of them coming out less frequently; so impulsive purchases become a more dangerous threat than ever before. (Though I have managed quite well so far, as there is no piece in my wardrobe that goes undervalued; and the ones that do, I have sold to loving new owners).

As much as this hobby brings me joy, it is also, well... another hobby. Another expensive hobby to add to the list of expensive hobbies I have.

I am a doll, cd, figure & artbook collector, an artist, sewist, knitter, videogame enthusiast... I definitely did not need another pricey hobby to add to the list. But I have accepted my multifaceted and maximalist nature as part of who I am, so I'd rather ride the tide than trying to work against it. 

As an autistic person, the idea of feeling alien started deeply resonating with me this year (thank you, Star Trek!), and I realize Lolita fashion (and jfashion in general) has had a lot to do with this sentiment. 

I really enjoy how community-centered this hobby is; in theory, that is. 

However, I am not suited to be very involved in community, both locally and online. By wearing Lolita, I have cast myself further aside from traditional society; and, by being autistic and having my specific limitations due to it, I also have a hard time integrating into the lolita and jfashion community. I am thus floating in the space between, neither here nor there; which can make my experience with it fairly lonely. 

There is, however, a sensation of peace that comes with this as well. Wearing Lolita helps me create my own space in the world, my own bubble, separate from everyone around me. It is isolating, but it is peaceful and warm. And those moments outweigh the ones in which I wish I was more sociable, more active, more involved. (Though it might feel weird sometimes to be stared at while walking through my deeply un-alternative neighborhood, it makes me feel a little like Momoko. It makes me feel like I'm somehow connected to the lolita experience through her, haha)

This, paired with the handcrafted side of the hobby, the side that pushes me to turn my body into a mannequin for beautiful creations of fabric and lace, make this fashion a truly personal experience. One that goes beyond my gender, my social standing, my physical self. It is the closest I feel to being myself, the closest I feel to doing drag, the closest I feel to being present on Earth, and the closest I feel to being an alien. And it has been truly transformative to how I navigate the world and how I think of myself.

My interest in the fashion has only increased since I first got into it, and I see no sign of my passion diminishing any time soon. (As long as there's a wishlist, I can't see myself stopping...) I also have many ideas for lolita sewing projects that I hope I will stick to!

 I would love to make a separate entry talking about my lolita goals in a more practical manner, talking about what items I should add to my wardrobe, what things I should prioritize, so on and so forth.

I hope to keep exploring the boundaries of fashion and what it means to me. But, even if I don't, I am happy I have reached this stage in my life, in which I only dress up for myself, and prioritize taking care of my needs above what anyone might say.

 Thanks so much for reading, and see you next time! ^^