Wtf is life.

I don't know what my life is anymore. I need to rant. I have this feeling in the bottom of my stomach me and my friends are drifting apart and I don't know why. I feel so fucked up mentally right now I don't even think I care. I only wanna be around another 400 days. Just enough to see the Hunger Games Sunrise on the Reaping movie with Joseph Zada. I don't know what to think or do anymore. Like I don't feel I have the energy to try and fix it. It feels like it's all my fault. I just wanna go home, but I am home. Why don't I ever feel whole? I always feel like I'm disconnected. I'm so stupid I hate myself. Why was I picked to be born? I should've never been born and I am a firm believer in this. I'm so dumb. I have this stupid thing where I fawn over celebrities to hide my actual depression, but at least it fills me with a little joy. I don't wanna be here....but I don't want to burn again.