my digital diary #2 ! overthinking !

hi !!! i've got stuff on my mind again ! 

anyone who knows me knows that i LOVE my friends more than heaven and earth. going into senior year i think i've finally found a group of people that are nice to me, and want me around. but that's just it. i THINK they do. most of the time i'm with them i'm still so unbelievably TERRIFIED that they don't !!! i'm always so worried that i just said the wrong thing, or did something silly, or am being too much, or what i said didn't come out right, or just... anything ! i almost feel like i'm in one of those visual novel videogames ( you know, the ones where you have to pick from a few different options to dictate how the story goes ? ) and i'm always choosing the WRONG answers. even a simple stumble over my words or a hair out of place on my head causes me to panic. 

i would like to think i'm a nice person, and i do go out of my way for my friends - like messaging regularly, checking up on people, buying snacks and gifts, etc. ( although i really believe all of those things to be the bare minimum). i try to be the best friend i can be. i just love these people so much, more than ANYTHING, and i want them to like me back ! i would like to think that they do, but how can you really know ? and you can't just ask people, either, because what if they're pitying me and just say yes on default ? 

i'm sorry for the more negative tone of this entry, i just had to get my thoughts out. does anyone else have an overthinking problem, especially regarding friendships ? and, if you do, how do you deal with it ? because there's gotta be a better way than panicking on spacehey ! 

with all the love, 

aurora <3