october 15th, 2025

warning VERY LONG!!! i thought this was going to be short but then i started ranting and such so enjoy the negativity

     my grades are better (not really). i have two A's, three B's, one C, and one D. i'm much more exhausted than i was the beginning of the year. i don't care about my GPA anymore, i'm tired.

     you remember when i mentioned how i didn't want to be in math strategies because i understood everything and that i'll probably need it? well, i'm tempted to switch out. one, i understand what i'm doing, i need no help and there's no point in being in a class where i already understand the work. two, i can't STAND my classmates. they're all ass and they're super annoying. though, like half of the class switched out, so it's a small class now. 

     you also remember how i was complaining about this chick not doing anything in our culture assignment because "she has intense social anxiety"? well, turns out she was fibbing. she has no problem talking in front of everyone, and actually has a lot of friends. she was just lazy and didn't want to put in any work. we were assigned another project with her, and my entire team isn't doing anything, so i was like "what the fuck?". tell me why my teammates decided to become the drama freaks they are and start causing drama with the girl? this was yesterday-- yesterday, when i was just starting to like her, she blew up for no good reason and quit on us. firstly, what the fuck did i do? only i'm allowed to get angry, no one should lash out at me, since i'm such a perfect fucking angel. i don't take conflict well at all so obviously i started to freak the hell out, since i have some anxiety issues. then she just repeated "shut up" as if that would stop me. in her defense, i don't really know what happened and what made the outburst start--i think someone mentioned her boyfriend lightly and that's what happened??? i don't know-- but who fucking cares? if anyone gets that angry at/near me, you're cut. i'm too sensitive for this. FUCK i hate everyone. you people are annoying.

     i've been so much more depressed and school is half the reason why. i don't care that i have schoolwork and stuff like that, that's easy. i'm angry that i'm stuck with the same people i've known and hated for 2 more years. i can't do it. who can? there's a lot of people who i hate and i still try to be nice to, but it's really hard, honestly. i can only tolerate it for so long. i can understand that i'm annoying as hell, and super negative at times, but HOLY SHIT i can't stand you people!! even in my biggest circle, there's some people associated that i can't stand anymore. i've already stopped talking to them online, but you can't escape them. i'm sure one of them has probably started to complain that i stopped responding to her irl & online and all that stuff. she's a cool person, but she's so loud and i can't tolerate loud people. it doesn't help that i'm like the loudest and most social in my group, it's contradictory, i know, but i don't know how to feel and i didn't expect my life to be so chaotic.

     also i remember mentioning the guy i kinda liked from the post a month ago so i'll touch on it-- hell no, he's a dick. he's in the popular group so i should've seen it coming. he's not annoying or that mean, he's just blunt and rude. i also think he's homophobic??? like 85% of my school is homophobic or racist, i don't know. it's very rare to see someone in my grade who's a decent person and not annoying (there's only two people). it kinda sucks because i hate school so much, but i was homeschooled in 7th grade and the loneliness made me extremely, extremely depressed where i was bedrotting badly. i'm fucked either way, i might need to talk to someone about it. but i don't want to, because i'm enjoying how peaceful my life is outside of school.

     that's all i got, cya.