Why am i like this?

Recently i feel like ive been so tired of literally everything. I feel like all my life someones been filling me up and now after the slightest inconvenience im just overspilling everywhere. I always get teased by literally everyone for my height and lowkey it hurt but i didnt really care. Now when anyone for example my coach tells me to gain weight and grow i just get so frustrated like you know i have to live with this forever?? Ive literally went to the hospital to discuss my height and i just cant grow and i gotta deal with it, but everyones always teasing me about it at school and acting like im a literal 5th grader when im not (even my classmates who are the same age as me or people literally younger than me).

 Idk bro but ive also been really suicidal, i used to make jokes about hanging myself and just ending it but its not a joke anymore. I had a boxing tournament a few weeks ago and i really hoped there was no one in my weight class because i didnt know what i would do if i lost and i didnt wanna risk it. Next week i have a football match i dont want to do because i know itll just end up with an arguement

Ive never told anyone this ive been feeling this way for quite a while, a lot of things happened a few months back and i think it just accumulated to this. 

hellppp :(