Permission

a tear creeps out my eye, i try to suck it in.

sorry.

i didn’t mean to make you upset.

no, i’m not upset, it’s okay. sorry.

huh?

no, i’m okay, it’s fine

i’m not— no. i’m sorry, i know.

i’m not…mad, it’s my fault, don’t worry.

i shouldn’t have done that, i’m sorry.

i—i know.

sorry.

…..sorry…

my door leaves no cracks open, but theres no privacy i can wrap myself in.

i feel my eyes prick; salty tears run down.

i sniffle, and i gasp

why can’t i just be quiet?

i look down at the carpet, it scares me when my ears pickup something soft.

stop..please, please just stop.

i’m not used to that.

i have to be quiet.

it’s not like…i can do anything else..

i can’t cry, i can’t yell, i can’t sob, i have to…i have to..

i don’t want to be quiet. 

why can’t everyone just leave?