candy applez born from poison trees*•.*.

• my hands r always awkwardly graceful in a way that haunts me a little i haunt myself a little bit everyday i don't think i ever wanted 2 b a girl in my life what i am is simply Me i'm just rooroo and that's wat i've been and as made me happy i wonder if i could've been elegant and charming in the way that doesn't make u questsion my homelife or mental stability i don't ever think i could envision a life without being trans being a little kid felt more than gender euphoric at times  but knowing evevryhtjng that was being draped around me had negative evil connotations makes me turn my nose up a little yet my heart draws me closer 2 soft frills sparkles and having my bare feet in the greenest lime wild grass the heart could imagine
  

not something i rlly aspire 4 all of my aspirations r based on conenction the connections i delicately weave and tend 2 every single day i've started hurting the people around me lately and that scares me

being hurt over and over and over and over and over again hurts me the people i love don't deserve my pain my chest aches 4 certainty i don't ever filter myself my emotions r raw and . um all consuming . a whole lifetime i always yearn 2 explain and drone on about lives within my 3 seconds a whole universe blooms from my chest and my tongue and my stupid fucking saccharine sweet mouth why would i let someone convince me my sweetness is horrible i certainly don't think that but i typed that so why??? :(( my brain speaks 4 me in complciated tones and squeaks and electric fizzles yet some of my most non erotic murderous negative yhoughts i always end up disagreeing with or feels Harsh and shocking 

 i get a little frustrated with my own being semetimes 

i used 2 b a shy angry defiant littlegirl towards my adolenscense and once i finally sunk my searching curious roots into soft, rocky, earthen silky lava rock filled soil i think i saw the sun 4 the first time in a very long while  i've been angel as far as i can remember yet i can't help but cower and cover my foresight with my own feathers. i want 2 feel protected and cared 4 in a world as beautiful as this

hehhehehehhhehe it's so fun writing sober i have no fuckin clue wat im talkin about ever but!!!! this had 2 coke from somewhere and maaybe my brain just wants it out there so i can nitpick and elaboriate and explain it??? :000 HEHHEHHEEE THE PARAGRAAPHHERRR oouugdhhh i luv being silly  and happy that's alaways my default but jail is scary! all i thought of the whole time was u losijg friends is scary feeling loved ones slip thru ur shaky beat up fingers with wrists that ache when they move is more scary than anything i'll ever experience i needa get drunk (KEEP VOMMYING JSUST FROM ONE LEGIT MICROSIP) and talkkkk abaouutttt hmmmm ididk.,..,, m'y suffering is grand Something Grand and forboding soemthing that shapes the entirety of the world and the stars that ghost above your equally messy room at night yet equal oppositie reactions have always intrigued me wat lies in my 2 soft palms is a kindess i never ever know wat 2 do with. my pollen my spores my neurons they entrap all i love and know and encase them in that moment of perfection. i'm so perfect occasionally it scares and worries me :( 

i'm divine but i'm so young and i'm so scared and i have so much 2 do i'll sing into the void as much as i need when u stand on the edge of a cliff the only thing that can happen is ur plument 2 the soft welcoming earth or a rigorous climb up 2 the heavens . where was i born??.?.?.?? :(((( the sea, the earth, or the spirit??????? :(