Creative ways to navigate pain & mental health. (World Mental Health Month)

This October is World Mental Health Month. Let us all be kind. I will use this platform as a source of encouragement. 

Are you someone who is going through a very hard painful time and mental health issues? This blog is for you. Let me share with you how I got through the painful process of mental health. 

In the past, I was diagnosed with severe depression and I was suicidal (attempted jump). I still have scars in my skin, from those. My horrible ordeal as a young girl and as a young woman made me that way. I was abandoned, partly neglected, bullied, and disrespected. It was very painful. Words such as "whore", "black sheep", "you have no future", "cunt", "big forehead", to name a few, which were said by the one(s) I loved most, goes on to my mind constantly. I battle hearing those words. But for some reason, I said to myself, I will make those people who uttered those vile words from their mouths regret everything forever. I will work my way to the top. 

I had no one to turn to. I runaway from home and the people that I needed most weren't there for me, be it family or love one. I didn't matter to them, just because I was an artistic unconventional woman that defies religion, loves metal/goth subcultures, and that I was always one of the boys kind of girl-- especially that I was in a metal band. Being raised in an Asian indoctrined strict religious tiger parents upbringing, and also being in a unapologetically disrespectful relationship which was supposed to be my love & home, is depressing and toxic. Most of my friends left the country, and my one metalhead drummer bestie died from cancer. All of that was too much for me to bare. That started my desire and fascination for death. I fantasize about my death on a daily basis.

I was a young teen, a daughter of a pastor and a priestess, with siblings that are also raised in  indoctrination. I felt I was unimportant, and that I wasn't heard even if the problems were huge. I was just left and adviced to "pray and submit to the god" even if it was a life and death situation. Many things were not allowed, too. At a young age, I got fully aware how indoctrination and religion resulted a lot of wars, destruction, and famine to humankind. If that was the kind of god I had to rely on to, it is not my god! My parents consider heavy metal/goth and dark arts as criminal. My love life, too, was very hard and full of pain, so much disrespect, distrust, and pain, it broke me as a whole person. With both family and love life wasn't going well, I just had to break away. When I runaway, 90% of my things were disposed. I know they are just material things, but, some of the things that were burnt were given by my deceased drummer metalhead best friend who died from cancer, and my grandmother. Film pictures, too. All of those are irreplaceable. Nothing was left. 

One thing that really helped me go through the whole process was, my love for arts and metal-goth music, & writing poetries. I focused on that. I am painter and a musician (vox/guitars/violin/bass). I also have been modeling, my face is often used for makeup application glam shots. I remind myself that my skills can get me through the hell of my life. At a young age, I worked as an apprentice in makeup artistry for a big company. I said to myself, it will be my gateway to fulfilling my future dreams as a recognized makeup artist/painter, watch my favorite bands perform live, travel to different places while exploring vast cultures, and it will be my main source of bread and butter, and prove all those that betrayed me wrong. 

In this, I also helped myself. I got professional help. Because I know, it is important key to do it, for the betterment of your well being. It's okay to get professional help and treatment when you really need it. It will help your stamina and with your wellness. It will help you keep focused. Along my journey, although I have met the wrong ones (that "wrong one(s)" story are for another chapter), I have met wonderful special people along the way, that really helped me go through it all. Those that fed me when I had nothing to eat, and a home to sleep. Also having a pet is healing. I have cats. I fought hard for my rights. I am forever grateful. Perhaps, there is hope after all. 

And I did work my way to the top. For the past 22 years, loud and proud, here I am, still an artist of my own right. Celebrated and respected as a woman artist and for who and what I am. Most importantly, loved as a wife. As an adult woman. I've watched my favorite bands and artists in live concert such as Triptykon, Faith No More, Ville Valo, Nightwish, Iron Maiden, Within Temptation, Carpathian Forest, Alcest, Slayer, Metallica, Lamb of God, & Moonspell (to name a few) , traveled 17 Countries, have worked/met with both the local / Hollywood celebrities and VVIP's. I had a few art galleries, too. 

It was worth the wait, determination, and hard work. And that it's okay to be unconventionally different and a non-religious "free-thinker". What matters is the heart. And that there is future with art. Every material things that I lost, I rebuild and re-bought (except for unreplaceble stuff from deceased loved ones and film photos). And all the people you lost doesn't matter, new people that values and support you in your journey are much more important. The world is vast, freeing yourself and exploring it is enriching. 

🧿🧿🧿

To sum it all up, here are the creative ways to navigate pain and mental health, and it worked for me:

1.  Always look at your self-importance and prioritize yourself. 
2. Focus on your goals and resort to it. It is the best drive to prove those that wronged you that they are wrong. They will regret everything. 
3. Be patient with your growth and make sure you do/pursue what you love. 
4. Convert your pain into literature, music, and arts. Either you journal it, paint stuff, and make music/listen to resonating music that you like. 
5. Take pictures of your progress if you are confident. Document it if you must. 
6. Seek professional help if needed for proper treatment to enrich your physical and mental being. 
7. Attend seminars or groups that also tackle mental health recoveries. It will aid expressing yourself. Self expression is important and freeing. 
8. Surround yourself with selected people who were there for you. 
9. Don't let the negativity come and drain you. Divert it by doing something that you really love. 
10. Give your neglected hobbies/ interests another try. You might never know what's in store for you. 
11. Never hold resentment, judgement and don't even utter negative words, to those that wronged you. Because if you do, it might come back negatively in another form and timeliness in your life when you least expected it. Words are powerful. Let Karma do the job. Karma will do it's job best for them, their time will come they will regret everything. 
12. Learn to enjoy what's in front of you. It's a privilege. Not everyone has the means to enjoy the most simplest things. 
13. Be real. Be authentic. It's okay to be weird, and different. Live your truth and live your life. 
14. Enjoy your life. Enjoy every moment. We only live once.
15. Don't limit yourself. Always try out new experiences. This is a learning curve. 
16. Learn to let go of what isn't for you. And learn to treasure what is for you. 
17. No matter how challenging, always be a source of positivity and inspiration to others. And be the light that you never received when you expected it. Because good things will come. 
18. Never turn into what broke you. Choose to find beauty, the lesson and the peace behind, instead of becoming a reflection of it. 
19. Travel if you must. See a different side of the world and vast cultures. It is humbling experience. And you will appreciate life more in a different aspect. 
20. Disassociate if you need space. Sometimes, it's needed to reflect on your own. And you can always resume your routines. 

So if you are going through hard time, do know there is hope and a better brighter future ahead. Pain and suffering is temporary. Just work harder and focus on you and what you love. Get help. It will save you from the ordeal. Find your tribe. You are the vibe. 

If you reach the end of this entry, I thank you for your time reading my story. May it encourage you. 

Xoxo, 

Devruhadabra 

🖤🖤🖤