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Hi, it's meeee, Robbie, and I just completed 1 year clean!...
૮ ˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶ ა
TW: SH, blood.
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Im not gonna lie to you guys, its been really dificult to stay clean, but... i did it! i hit 1 fvcking year haha!! without any selfharm or anything like that! And yes, sometimes I've felt very lost, even more so when I turn on my old phone and see the photos I take from when I used to do... yk... "that," but many people who manage to reach this goal only tell you the good things and motivate you. I'll do the same, yes, but I'll also talk to you about the bad things and all that shit.
In the past I used to think "what would have become of me if I never stopped?" and it feels a bit weirdd because I remember the first few days I decided to get clean, and haha, I couldn't even go near any scissors, razors or blades, not even knives or eyebrow pencils because I knew that as soon as I had that sharp object in my hands, all this effort would go down the drain, yk?
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I wanted to celebrate that day by eating something I'd always wanted, a strange chocolate ice cream that looked divine, but once I tried it... it didn't taste that good. I really wanted to celebrate that day by exploring shops in the city center, just getting lost among the buildings, not talking to anyone or anything, just walking and learning about the shops hidden among those forgotten aisles, but I couldn't do that either. It really felt like I hadn't celebrated a birthday, haha.
I've tried to encourage my friends to get together at my house to eat something, or to do something, but they refuse because they tell me there's nothing to celebrate. And don't get them wrong, they don't know about this achievement, which still makes me a little sad. Only one friend knew about this achievement, and he congratulated me and encouraged me a lot. I really love him.
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There are a lot of things that you have to accept when you are in such a strong recovery completely alone, and it is the fact that there are many self-destructive habits that simply will not go away, and you will have to learn to deal with them for the rest of your life, and you stop and think "oh god, this is not fair, why don't other people suffer like me?" and well, that is normal, but everyone lives their life in their own way.
Through this whole process, I've seen a side of myself I didn't know existed, and I've accepted many things I refused to see in the past, and that has helped me improve these past few weeks.
I have the tools to build a gigantic fortress, but I also have the tools to completely destroy myself.
...
Tschüss
Comments
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Taterinx
That's a crazy milestone, you're doing great man!
Lia (I bring all the drama)
SO SO PROUD OF YOU HON! DONT GIVE UP HERE :D
Hope you inspire me! 3 months clean! You amaze me a lot! Hope u have a nice day :D
Lia (I bring all the drama)
SO SO PROUD OF YOU HON! DONT GIVE UP HERE :D
Hope you inspire me! 3 months clean! You amaze me a lot! Hope u have a nice day :D
Lia (I bring all the drama)
SO SO PROUD OF YOU HON! DONT GIVE UP HERE :D
Hope you inspire me! 3 months clean! You amaze me a lot! Hope u have a nice day :D
Lia (I bring all the drama)
SO SO PROUD OF YOU HON! DONT GIVE UP HERE :D
Hope you inspire me! 3 months clean! You amaze me a lot! Hope u have a nice day :D
Lia (I bring all the drama)
SO SO PROUD OF YOU HON! DONT GIVE UP HERE :D
Hope you inspire me! 3 months clean! You amaze me a lot! Hope u have a nice day :D
Yayyy, 3 months it's a total success!! Keep it up, buddy <3
by Ghost_Garden; ; Report
artymattymatt
i am so proud of you. you inspire me. i'm 2 months clean myself and I hope to be like you. :]
OMG 2 MONTHS!?? CONGRATSSSS!!!!! <3
by Ghost_Garden; ; Report
thank youuuuuuuuuu :D
by artymattymatt; ; Report
Princess Wizard
That's so beautiful. You are such a strong and admirable person. I hope you continue to grow for the better! Be proud, be happy and enjoy your freedom from this thing.
I advise you not rush this process. Don't pressure yourself, take your time!
awww thanks so much <3
by Ghost_Garden; ; Report
awww thanks so much <3
by Ghost_Garden; ; Report
nyxie! :3
I am SO proud of you!!! Keep doing what you’re doing, and to that 1 friend who was really great, I’m thankful that you have him in your life!! know that you’re loved and appreciated <3
thanks so much!! Unfortunately, over the course of this week my friend and I had many misunderstandings and I think we are no longer friends, but thank you very much! ;)
by Ghost_Garden; ; Report
I’m so sorry, I can relate also within the last week of losing a friend due to misunderstandings (not tryna compare js tryna make u feel not lonely!) and i hope it gets better, if u ever need a friend I’ll be here 4 you!
by nyxie! :3; ; Report