Best ways to extract liquid from the human body

Below are some of the ways to extract liquid from the human body, rated on efficiency, effectiveness, mess, expensiveness, and cool factor

by me(and my friends techincally)

Centrifuge with Big Press

My friend came up with this one; A big press that forces the human through a really tiny passage way leading to a centrifuge

Efficiency:  6/10-  pretty good. If you have the means, this is a great way to do it. Lots of energy though, and the space you’d need to do it..

Effectiveness:  9/10- This, in my opinion, is the best overall way to do the job If executed correctly, it doesn’t leave much margin for failure.

Mess: 3/10- Not messy for the most part, sides for some basic cleanup(wiping down the press/funnel and centrifuge afterwards)

Expensiveness: 10/10- for maximum effectiveness, you’re looking at $50,000+ usd

Cool Factor: 8/10- obviously more opinion than fact but I think a human sized press into a large centrifuge is pretty damn cool.

Dune Method

Friend’s mom's idea: A human coffin-like thing connected to tubes, extracts all the liquid by drying out the body so much. Liquid gets sucked into tubes

Efficiency: 7/10- a human sized dehydration machine is a little more practical than the last idea and uses much less resources/energy

Effectiveness: 6/10- A solid way to go about removing liquid from a person but I’m not sure if it’s 100% possible to remove all liquid

Mess: 1/10- Very clean. All contained- only you’d have to remove the body still

Expensiveness: Not sure where’d you even get a human sized dehydrator but I’m sure it’s not cheap

Cool Factor:  4/10- It could be considered sleek and futuristic, but other than that it’s meh

Displacing

One of the lasts I came up with. Inspired by oil pastels and markers; fill the body with wax and force out the water

Efficiency: 2/10- Near impossible to get all the water out this way and to even get close would be tedious.

Effectiveness: 4/10- Not perfect but it works.

Mess: Organs and other solid things will definitely come out as well from the pressure. Also who’s telling where or how the liquid decides to exit(bursting possibility)

Expensiveness: 6/10- Where are you getting all that wax?

Cool Factor:  3/10- I bet it’d look interesting. Cool? Not sure, but I’ll give it a 3/10 anyway

Dried Meat Method

One of the first ones we came up with. Just hang the body upside down with holes poked in the face? Tub under it I guess

Efficiency: 2/10- It would take a long time and it’d be real annoying to set up only to get mixed results.

Effectiveness:  3/10- It…works I guess. Not all the water would get out and without a filter, other stuff could get in. Also, what’s to stop the corpse from going through the decomposition process?

Mess: 6/10- dead body is gross, liquid could get everywhere. Body could just fall apart too

Expensiveness:  3/10- Very cheap, all you need is a place to put the body and a big tub

Cool Factor:  1/10- Not cool at all.

Big Blender

Human sized blender hooked to a filter

Efficiency: 5/10- Faster but not super fast. Might use quite a bit of energy.

Effectiveness:  8/10- If thoroughly blended, this would work great!

Mess:  7/10- It’s a big ass human blender.

Expensiveness: 6.5/10- Human sized blender where.

Cool Factor:  7/10- It’s a big ass human blender.

Disclaimer: I’m not a sicko, I’m aware this is a morbid topic. I was just curious and many other people are curious too apparently so I thought I’d post this here. This shouldn’t have to be said but please don’t do any of this