blog post # 5!!

Wassup blog !!!!! okay this is my fifth blog post on here, and lowk its been a while since ive posted LMAO ill be honest. been a month lol so i apologize to the spacehey homies, but my plan for this site has always been to treat this place as my online diary that i could post on my own pace rather then set a goal or limit for myself, so i can take this place more casually and hopefully make better quality notes abt my life here. ive been really trying to get into making my own type of neocities site for my online diaries and other cool stuff that really makes it my own typa place, but since i know nothing about html or css yet its just a black background with a wall of txt rn LMFAO. hopefully someday i could get better at that tho.

LIFEEEE

Alright, so its been REALLY tough on me so far im being so deadass. im pretty far into my college life now, week 9 i believe? and yeah it is NOT getting any easier. DUDE LIKE WHY IS THIS SHIT SO HARD FOR??? essays every other week, wall of assignments due by the end of the week, currently failing in two classes, AND having to rely on AI for everything which makes me feel really useless and miserable. like i know THIS IS NOT GONNA GET ANY EASIER IN MY OTHER SEMESTERS so why bother continuing??? i should lowk just drop out cuz damn. not to mention my actual social life is SO ASS rn. ive made a total of zero friends through the first couple of months lmao. ive talked to people, ive made acquaintances, but actual friends?? hell nah lol. ive really just been alone and you know sometimes its great, but in reality im just wasting the whole point of being in college by doin this. maybe its cuz im in a cc, or maybe because my social skills are ass, or maybe because i dont try hard enough, but this entire college shit is SO STRESSFUL. AND IM UNEMPLOYED!!! like hows my life gonna be when i DO have a job??? balancing school and work yeah im not made for this life at all LMFAOOOO. so yeah, as corny as it sounds ive been depressed asf lately since i cant do the bare minimum, but maybe getting into my hobbies more can help fix it or at least distract me from it.

MUSIC !!!!!!!

Okay okay, I always say irl I'm trying to get into music and producing shit or just expanding my tastes when in reality all i do is lay in bed and listen to my spotify recommended, BUT this time im trying to be so real. So I've been trying to learn how to produce music for about 3-4 years now and I'm still in the beginner stage even though that number sounds big. Like, I got my own 24 key keyboard, know what DAWs are, what chords are and what they can do, learn music theory, effects, mixing, tracks, how each instrument sounds, and how to navigate around things and whatnot, but i STILL CAN'T MAKE MY OWN MUSIC FOR THE LIFE OF ME. the closest i can get is making garbage electronic music. i just dont think im not creative enough for this dudee, like genuinely. i am trying to get a deeper knowledge into music though, its just hard trying to learn all the music code each and every day with a fresh mind. For example, I watched a video on jazz harmony yesterday and it really put into perspective how powerful chords are and how they could expand into something insane. so yeah, im still going to keep trying on this music stuff since one day i want to make something that is beautiful and that i could be proud of. (btw, no plug or anything but i try to upload random music bits monthly on my newgrounds acc to document my progress, here's the link if you want to listen to some stuff: https://datsmolboi.newgrounds.com/)

IN CONCLUSION

yeah i dont know man my life isnt looking that good or exciting so far the only thing keeping me sane is football, God, and music so i hope it can get better. i actually got a LOT of assignments to do now so im cutting this off since i cant think of anything else to say about me, peace!!