Hatred towards myself.

Honestly, I don't know if this can be used as a way to vent, but anyway, I've been feeling a bit... strange lately? I'm not happy with my body, but at the same time, I'm not doing anything to change it. But I've already experienced it, but I don't know... this is getting longer, I feel like there's no way out of this weird loop, I feel empty, a void that no one can fill, not even my own boyfriend!! I feel a little tired of living like this. I feel disgusted every time I look in the mirror. Others would notice me if I were prettier, thinner, or if my skin and eyes were lighter. In my boyfriend's eyes I am the best and prettiest girl, but sometimes he doesn't believe it. I'm not like everyone else, they don't need to rely on a filter, makeup, lipstick, ANYTHING!!!

It makes me want to be born again and be born beautiful like them, without scars or problems, or defects, just being beautiful and that's it.

I feel tired of living this way, sometimes I feel the need to stop eating even if there are consequences, it's the only way to lose weight. My boyfriend tells me that I should feel good about myself because I'm pretty just the way I am, and yes! I know I'm pretty, but not enough to attract others! Now I don't know what to do.  

In fact, I was more beautiful before, I had super nice skin, equally shiny hair, eyes with an inexplicable shine and much more, but now I have become the ugly one at school. I still don't know how my boyfriend could fall in love with me despite being so ugly and disgusting.

I want to be pretty..