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When people think of love, they often think of feelings: butterflies in their stomach, a warm face, feeling excited, wanting to be around who they love, the all-encompassing joy that comes with dating them and being with them. But do those feelings truly last forever? The answer is no.
The feelings I just described are common for people who love someone, and even once the NRE (new relationship energy) fades, people still usually experience those feelings of love - after months or even years. But how many years can this go on? It's inevitable that, when you stay with someone long enough, things start to get boring. After a while, you know them well enough that there's nothing new to discover, you've gone on enough dates with them that - while nice -dates aren't a particularly exciting thing, by this time you should have (in a healthy and committed relationship) talked about what you want in the future and so there's no anticipation. There will come a point where there is nothing new to do, or learn, or experience. Falling into a routine in the relationship is inevitable, and it might feel like you're just going through the motions.
And some people, when they reach this point, might decide to break-up with their partner for a multitude of reasons: they think they've fallen out of love, they want something exciting, they miss that spark, they feel bored, etc. But people who truly understand love, and have been in a long (as in decades long) relationship, will tell you that you shouldn't rely on feelings to tell you when a relationship is over.
If you truly love someone, then you choose them, you find reasons to love them, you work to remember why you fell in love with them, and you reignite that spark again and again each time it fades. You can't be with someone for decades without getting used to them, that'd be ridiculous. But you can be with someone for decades and remember why you love them, and continue loving them. You can look into their eyes without feeling shy and still lean in to kiss them, you can go on dates with them without feeling jittery and still find yourself laughing over dinner.
If you only 'love' someone when the chemicals in your brain tell you that you do, you don't love them, you love the feeling of being with them. If you can love someone even when you know them like the back of your hand, and being with them doesn't feel like being high, that's a lot harder - but it's also proof that you love them and not just the feeling of loving them.
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ferretinsoup
This blog really highlights the difference between those who chase true, unbridled love, and those who chase the emotional high that new experience brings.
I do not find fault in either, both are simply navigating life the way they see fit. Neither is "right" nor "wrong", both simply wish to feel and to receive and to give- I find beauty in that.
I used to resent those that simply choose to chase feeling, chemical reactions, new experience- but I have come to find that I cannot fault people for craving a feeling that is naturally attractive to humans. Some are simply not quite as complacent as I, and that is alright.
I do think you are correct in the assumption that those who lack the patience to love someone do not properly understand what it means to love another. That comfort and routine is not equal to boredom, but that it can become that if things within a relationship are not maintained.
I would go on, but I don't want to bore you,, hah. Thank you for the interesting read1!! ✧｡٩(ˊᗜˋ
Hi! Thanks for responding to my blog, and yesterdays post as well (≧ᗜ≦) I'm really glad you enjoyed tonight's [well, it's night for me] entry! Your response doesn't bore me at all, I enjoy reading the comments on my blog, although I'm not a very good responder. (〃．．)
I do agree with you that neither kind of person is wrong, and I've been both kinds of people - however, chasing chemicals is something that I think can be done in excess. From my own experience, chasing that chemical high is similar to actual addiction; the high feels amazing, but coming down from it can feel so bad that you go on to chase another high, but your body gets used to the high over time.
It's a cycle of getting into a relationship (oftentimes an intense or passionate relationship - at least in my experience), feeling the high, it fades, you leave, you find another relationship, you feel the high but it's duller, you leave, repeat. I won't say people who fall into this cycle are wrong, and if they're happy and healthy then it's fine, but it is important to think of the negatives that can come with this cycle. For example: tumultuous relationships, ruining your reputation, creating a dependence on the highs/relationships, etc.
Thank you again for your comment and insight! ( ˶ˆᗜˆ˵ )
by Arcturus; ; Report
You make some good points1!! (˶˃ ᵕ ˂˶)
While I've also been on both sides, my experience with chasing that feeling weren't all that similar to yours, in the sense that I often took large breaks between relationships/didn't feel particularly inclined to form new romantic relations soon after.
I honestly find this pretty odd, because I am often prone to addiction in many aspects- I am completely unsure as to why this is an exception,, hah. I think the high satisfied me for a while, even after the relationship ended.
I do agree that for many, chasing these highs could be detrimental to their psyche and the people around them, but I don't think it's impossible to be like this and be mentally sound1!! Everyone is so different, it's riveting to learn about1!!◝(ᵔᗜᵔ)◜
by ferretinsoup; ; Report