Crush…

So a couple months ago I came to the realization that I am not straight. I don't like to put a label on my sexuality, but 1 like guys and girls.

There's this guy in my school who I've recently felt attracted to, this is like my first crush on a guy because normally it's girls. Now it feels a bit jarring to me bc I normally don't have crushes, this is like the third one of real people I can count off the top of my head. Let me get to the point jeez.

He has a girlfriend *sigh* and I'm pretty sure he's straight *sigh again* and I thought I was over it, but it seems like I'm not. Today I had a field trip and they both were there too, I kept looking at him when I could and it confused me so much. And when I saw them holding and being really close to each other, I felt like I was about to explode. I don't understand why I feel like this at all, but it sucks, I don't even want to be in a relationship, but when I see him...I think differently.

I just wish I could stop this and stop having really negative thoughts about their relationship every time I see them. When I feel envy it has never been to this extent.

Woe is me I guess...