Dungeons & Dragons - session report 10/4/25 - episode 3

This is the SECOND session for U1 - The Sinister Secret of Saltmarsh

SPOILERS AHEAD!

Me to my players trying to do sketchy, dangerous things in combat: "It's okay to miss ... but for the love of the gods, don't miss 'bad'!"

Only they didn't follow that advice. That ominous warning remained unheeded as a general theme in yesterday's game!

I shan't go over every detail, as most of yesterday's game was a 'dungeon' crawl in the haunted manor of U1 - The Sinister Secret of Stickdock (aka, Saltmarsh).

First, the catch up:

Last episode of "The Misanthropes" (the party is starting to refer to themselves in this way, in full recognition that rather than a unified band of dangerous murder hoboes, they are an incompetent group of anti-social types seemingly designed to annoy one another with perfected efficiency) - Magic User Jim Smorkle and Druid Shayle stayed behind in the makeshift camp (players missed the session) while the rest of the party accompanied Barkling Shaman Pepper MacScruffles on a trip to check out the local haunted manor, to see if it was suitable for the displaced Barkling pack to move into. Certainly, as a 'fixer-upper' at best. The party cautiously moved through most of the first floor, experiencing a little trouble in the north wing when they encountered a fear inducing magic mouth near the entrance to the patio which caused Pepper MacScruffles, Bard Marieen, and the normally stoic Ranger Dorian to flee in fear until they could calm down. The party realized what it was and carried on. Eventually landing in the kitchen where Monk Interrobang became poisoned by some giant centipedes emerging from the sink. That just about catches us up.

YESTERDAY'S EPISODE saw the introduction of new series regular, Eidoleth, a dwarven fighter/thief on the large side! 4'9". That is his height. Also, that is his width. Like the party a day earlier, found himself unceremoniously dumped on the bespoke dock in the town of Stickdock, where dock master Salty Pete directed him to "McClusky's Trading Post" where a makeshift tavern serves the locals. Therein, he discovered that other recent outsiders were camped on the O'Malley farm, and he went to join them (other prospects for work being slim to none in the relatively xenophobic insular town). There he discovered Jim Smorkle and Shayle, their side quest having been inexplicably canceled, had decided to catch up with their friends at the haunted manor.

So far so ... okay, I guess.

The three late comers arrived at the manor just as a neutralize poison was being applied to Monk Interrobang inside the manor's kitchen. Jim, Shayle, and their new dwarf friend heard them in the kitchen from outside, and like reasonable adults in a potentially dangerous situation decided to mess with them.

Shayle started by pulling a spooky voice warning them that she was coming for their souls while Jim was creepily scratching on the window (mostly filthy from age and abandonment. The window, AND Jim, I mean). Eidoleth was now questioning why he would ever accompany these people. Jim was even on the verge of blowing a precious spell slot to cast ventriloquism to further freak out his own party.

As for the party within, some were overcome by a renewed sense of fear, including the ranger. Bard Marieen wasn't fooled and becalmed the ranger. Ranger Dorian, seeking revenge, shouted out to his friends outside "Hey, it's us! We're in the kitchen! Come meet us through the patio!" Which caused the three late comers to trigger the magic mouth. Both Jim and Shayle failed their saving throw and fled screaming back out through the patio while Eidoleth held his ground. Ranger Dorian, hearing the screaming and knowing his revenge played out well, fell about laughing. Interrobang, already feeling better from the antidote, was making his way there inside the building, hearing Jim and Shayle scream, quickened his pace and met the strange dwarf. He was about to come to blows with the dwarf, figuring he was the reason for his friends' screaming, but they sorted it out resorting to a dust up.

Pepper MacScruffles chided the entirety of the childish behavior and got the group back on track. It was decided that they would explore the upstairs before going into the wine cellar.

So, now some more truncated highlights.

SPOILERS AHEAD FOR U1

There are a lot of poisonous insects in and amongst the endless array of trashed furniture and dusty debris. In one room, with a dilapidated, but intact bedframe, cabinet, and hearth, Dorian ran afoul of some large spiders. As he fought, and Eidoleth joining him, Marieen thought it a clever idea to sling a bullet into the fray. I dutifully told her "It's okay if you 'miss'. But don't miss *bad*"

Of course she rolled a 1. The stone pinged off of the back of the dwarf's helmet, doing a point of damage, and lodging itself in the masonry of the hearth.

At this point, Jim Smorkle cast unseen servant.

Why?

So the servant could pluck up one of the large spiders and just hold it in the air away from the party. Of COURSE the spider failed to roll high enough to avoid this, and began to experience an existential crisis as he wriggled uselessly in the air, held by an invisible force that it could not comprehend. I had the spider check every round to see if it wriggled free, but it never managed to.

Dorian decided to hack at the floating spider with a hand axe, but with the dwarf and other party members in proximity, his roll of a 1 also had disastrous potential. His axe flew out of his hand, and BULLSEYED in a perfectly carved rondelle on the bed frame in such a way that you could not have made a more perfect shot if you tried.

Much later on, and if you know the module, an assassin was now in their midst. They found the secret door in the lower level that led to the smuggler's barracks. This group is actually UNUSUALLY cautious when it comes to doors and chests and such, and pretty good at putting two and two together for the investigative things such as realizing the clean window on the upper level and disturbed dust on the windowsill likely meant someone was signaling with a lantern. But something about common sense and tactics eludes them.

When they opened the door, found a smuggler within who immediately began to run, they THREE STOOGESED themselves in the doorway, but with NINE people (party, Shaman Pepper, and Assassin Ned), and were much more in each other's way than not.

The monk and dwarf were first in, ranger right behind, and rest of the party in various stages of jammed up behind them. The monk took a successful flying leap at the smuggler. HUZZAH!

The assassin took a devastating stab at the ranger's back. F**K! The bard went to dagger the assassin, rolled yet ANOTHER 1, fell prone, and the dragger skidded away from her on the floor. The dwarf skewered the assassin with a military pick, the druid, also being UNCAUTIOUS with a sling, flung a bullet into the fray, but rolled a NAT 20 and the bullet stove the assassin's head in, and there was much rejoicing. And gore.

After this, the party investigated, found the next secret door, but decided to LEAVE IT until they PROPERLY secured this area (are they ultimately learning???), and found a barred room with skeletons in it. The walking about undead sort.

I told Rosemarinus, the neutrally aligned cleric with a gothy fascination with death, that if she rolled a ten or higher, the skeletons would be turned, BUT ... if she rolled a FIFTEEN or higher, they'd be friendly to her.

Never did I see the whole table go quiet for one die roll. Not once yet in this campaign. She INTENTLY rolled that die and got a 13.

The whole table were visibly disappointed! The skeletons were turned, and yet they were all so disappointed!

Rosemarinus gloomily stated to the rest of the party in a disappointedly morose manner "well, the skeletons are turned, I guess. *sigh*, and not a threat."

We fell about laughing, they found the manor's secret laboratory, and we ended there before they descended into the smuggler's lair.

I love D&D!