Spiritual Writing 2020 Part Two

So in the dire end this helpless and vulnerable cornered wolf knows where to go but holding the dagger close wary of people that try to get by her. The Queen's Guard has left the King's Guard. A mistake in life and a mistake like myself. This madness makes me spiritually naked. I can't cope with this madness or myself. What have I done wrong to feel this way? Not listen to you my King's Guard? Did I ignore your wishes and desires as an alchemist? Did I fail somewhere? I know that somehow I can't deal with feeling like this anymore. This haze and feeling like nothingness. Oh someone help please. I wish to no longer feel this way but I want to feel nothing in a sense of nothingness in life. Cold and a refreshing blank slate. Demon is alive and coming out of the vessel's core. The King of Spiders and his eggs is hatching. I sense. I feel. He's coming for me. He's coming for me. He's coming for me.
I'm losing my insanity tonight.
I'm going through a lot of problems that I can't seem to cope with.
My spirits are wispy, shadowy and turning quite spooky like Mr Spooky Spook.
I don't know what to do anymore about myself or this vessel. I feel helpless and vulnerable. Like a beast without any armor on I feel spiritually naked like a haze.
I don't know man I really don't anymore.
Goodbye this is farewell.
The alchemist for he saw his fate, a new one holding a tiny spider and attached daggers on the back of the threads. Mr Bel Bel the King of Spiders....I need your assistance once more. The alchemist fell on the young eggs closed wolven eyeballs O mother please I can't anymore. Faded eyes. Holding Spider. Holding Spider. Holding Spiders. For the alchemist wrapped his claws over the King of Spiders. I'm a new oath.
I’m sorry if I’m a failure or a piece of $hit to you. I’m sorry for everything. I couldn’t forgive myself. I couldn’t help my own self. Mark of the devil of himself. I had no choice. Even my spirits couldn’t help me then. I’m sorry mother and I’m sorry to my lover that I think this way. Mother Snake what have I done to deserve this? You’re my only mother left after mine are all gone in real and in spirits. If I fail you one day what would you do Mother Snake? Tell me? But you wouldn't because you’re afraid of what I would become to you? However Mother Snake you would put me into a Snake’s Egg to be reborn again. I’m sorry I really am. Please see me in the eyes of the faith of the true wolf and absolute mother and the form of alchemy. Please let me see beyond and the truth. I can’t be sorry anymore. I can’t be sorry for myself or this sickness. Please let me hold on to faith and hold on to the absolute way of life. The tree of Yggdrasil is black to me. As I’m the true form and darkness. You once tried to save me. My love. But little didn’t you know I couldn’t save myself from this mess. Let me sleep in Hell forever. My throne is empty and the demonious fruit must fall from the clock tower of Hell. Dream now the child of the magi of disaster. Dream now and shall the pain and agony should be sealed just like the beast seal himself.
Humans have made me understand I can change myself out like parts. If I don't like myself. I will change myself into parts of alchemy components until I'm happy. Humans. One day I'm for certain that you perhaps will see the wolf without the beast mask and see the midnight and abyss wolf and the TRUE colors of ''US''
Multiple wolf heads? Oh right you can't see ''THEM'' because all you care about is physical attraction and beauty but you forget the faces can be of MANY but you're too fabricated on what's on the outside and not on the inside. Selfish desires human greed and humans play things. You've no morals or grace or modesty. There is no dignity anymore. Shameless ONE
You're so obsessed what someone looks like and you forgot what their face looks like with multiple wolf heads
King of Spiders....King of Spiders....Bel Bel the mark of the ''Spider's Back'' guided poison....oh give me the eyesight and the correct judgement to see....and see throughout the clouded hazed mind....so many memories....ah....the mask of the ''Spider''
Purifying rain and the drowned hair of the raven of arms, the black hairs and the raven. Black Water the final seal of the lies of the moon. Look at me mother. Look at me mother. Look at me mother. I made this body for you so I could avenge you. I'm the very form of alchemy itself. Tell me mother am I beautiful to you?
Not only then did the alchemist ask the devil a series of questions but the alchemist ask a very important thing to both and all the multiple wolf heads a question which the devil reflected upon the beast mask. What is beautiful about me? Can you tell me the alchemy number that I'm? Tell me what is pure alchemy to you?
Once I figure out the true form of alchemy then I'll understand beauty because after all beauty to the midnight and the abyss is pure alchemy dolls and puppets the observant and the tester.
My love for her my love for her the one that cloaked my abyss fur into a midnight wisp for she is my midnight fur we're also known as ''I''
I wonder if you could see the gray eyeballs and the red eyeballs of the beast slits. I also wonder if you can see only one face talking or two or one of many faces. However if that is perhaps certain that you could see my true colors then that will be certain one day I will know what true love is. Love me for my fragile self and love how poisonous and lethal and intoxicating I can be. I hope one day you will see my true colors. Then I’ll know you will love the midnight side of me and the abyss side and a thank you from the midnight wolf and the abyss wolf. Thank you for accepting my true colors and my blessing and a curse of the beast blood. One day this will be true and absolute
When I think of you and your love for me one day. Do you really think you could love me for what I really am? My true colors and shades? Could you tell me the beast blood is beautiful within your heart of black? Could you tell me I love you and everything about you and even your midnight wolf and abyss wolf self? Could you really love me for what I'm? Could you love a creature that's fragile and delicate like a flower but lethal and toxic with deadly thorns? I really wonder when I think about you. I always think could this be? Is this for certain?
When the beast heart will take over will you still love me? What if I'm not myself? What if these emotions and thoughts aren't of myself or aren't of the abyss wolf what if the emotion and intent from the beast heart? This beast blood....ah.....
Selfish Greed and Obsession and Jealousy for no reason what is wrong with me? Or what's wrong with you? intoxication and poison is my favorite add on. Experimentation of insanity and happiness. I'm my demise I'm the monster notice the horns inside of my midnight and abyss wolf skull my crown is invisible you little $hits
Internal Suffering.
This is my pain and my pain alone.

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