t0days l0st media endeav0r

     i've been enj0ying a l0t 0f 0ld internet c0ntent t0day, s0 i have decided t0 tell this st0ry using a typing quirk with n0 real reas0n 0ther than that i am enj0ying h0mestuck and 0ld myspace culture. s0mething amazing happened t0 me last night, but bef0re i tell y0u what it was, here is s0me c0ntext:

     when i was a y0ung and impressi0nable grub, my m0ther l0ved h0rrific true crime and h0rr0r films, which she w0uld watch carelessly 0ut in the 0pen in fr0nt 0f my y0ung and curi0us eyes. 0ne 0f the first great fav0rs i ever asked 0f her was, "will y0u put 0n the 0ne with the red h0use?" presumably referring t0 a scene in hall0ween where michael myer's h0use gr0ws red inside. she said i w0uld watch it and laugh and laugh. n0w i was t00 y0ung t0 remember these m0vies, but that all ended 0ne fateful evening while helping my m0m h0usesit f0r her rich psychiatrist friend Tanja. Tanja's h0use was quite big, c0vered in plants and m0saic dec0r, and h0me t0 her g0lden retriever Nach0, 0ne of my earliest friends. she had a p00l equipped with a waterside basketball h00p and an outd00r bar where i saw my first w0lf spider. this made it quite an enchanting place f0r a kid like me, and n0thing there c0uld ever scare me 0r stick negatively t0 my devel0ping brain in any way. until...

     i was laying in Tanja's huge rich w0man bed with my m0m while she watched a m0vie. i was pr0bably playing 0n my sim-cardless iph0ne 3g with kik messenger as the 0nly f0rm 0f c0mmunicati0n 0n it when i happened t0 glance up at the screen during a very specific scene: it was a m0ther and child being lifted fr0m the fl00r int0 a sinister r0tating c0ntrapti0n as metal rings spun ar0und them. they were surr0unded by pe0ple and seemed very afraid. this is far fr0m the m0st grues0me 0r unsettling thing i've witnessed watching tv with my m0m, but s0mething ab0ut it, th0ugh i had n0 idea at the time, w0uld sink it's claws int0 my brain and shape it's f0lds int0 that same image f0r years t0 c0me. i think ab0ut that mysteri0us m0vie scene s0metimes t0 this day.

     a few years ag0 i th0ught ab0ut this peculiar image, unsure if it was real 0r if i had dreamt it, and began my l0ng and fruitless scavenge acr0ss the interwebs. i searched all the details i c0uld remember, i asked my m0m if she c0uld remember what it was, and i even asked my friends if any 0f these descript0rs rang a bell. all 0f this t0 n0 avail. at w0rk a few weeks ag0 i br0ught all 0f this up t0 my c0w0rker. we spent the shift searching, but n0thing. i began t0 accept that this was a l0st cause, and went back t0 my sad dumb pathetic sweeping of stale carpetburned p0pc0rn.

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     n0w imagine this. it's last night, 0ctober 7th, and i'm sitting 0n my c0uch watching 0ld stacyplays d0gcraft vide0s with my r00mmate, wh0 is sitting with me in silence as he knits a c0l0rful scarf. a candle is lit and my tiffany lamp is 0n. it is d0mestic as all get 0ut. i had just g0tten h0me fr0m r0cky h0rr0r picture sh0w rehearsal and put d0wn a s0nic cheeseburger and r0ute 44 redbull refresher in preparati0n 0f writing a rhet0rical analysis essay, which is 3 weeks past due, which has n0thing m0re than my name and my pr0fess0r's name 0n the d0cument thus far. 0k, have i adequately set the scene? because then i g0t it. the h0ly grail text fr0m my dearest c0w0rker that read: "dude i think i might've just figured out the scary movie that you saw a child with the spinning sphere cage." 0h. my. g0d. t0 which i calmly and gracefully replied: "WHAT. TELL ME. N0W."

     he then sends me a link t0 a Dead Meat y0utube vide0 very sweetly titled "Thirteen Ghosts (2001) KILL COUNT" and tells me t0 skip t0 22:20. i click 0n the vide0, a surge of electricity running up my spine, preparing t0 be let d0wn by yet an0ther false lead. i m0ve the little bar t0 22:20. a w0man and child are lifted fr0m the fl00r int0 a sinister r0tating c0ntrapti0n as metal rings spin ar0und them. they are surr0unded by pe0ple and seem very afraid. at l0ng last it had f0und me. i texted my m0m that i had finally f0und that m0vie i was stressing ab0ut, t0 which she replied, "ooh yeah that's a scary one. sorry for always having weird shit on lolol."

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     i tease my c0w0rker 0ften f0r being the w0rld's biggest media c0nsumer. when a trailer f0r anything dr0ps, he is the first t0 kn0w. he listens t0 sp0tify's new music friday playlist every week and streams music thr0ugh his airp0ds at w0rk n0nst0p. when he is h0me he is c0nstantly streaming rand0m y0utube vide0s, m0vies he's already seen, and the same ten s0ngs he likes at the m0ment while he scr0lls twitter f0r news 0r plays what i can 0nly describe as time-killing vide0 games. he said he put 0n that rand0m vide0 while j0urnaling and happened t0 l00k up at the exact scene i had described t0 him weeks ag0. i will never make fun 0f him f0r his rapid media c0nstumpti0n again. he als0 0nce f0und a physical c0py 0f CJ7, a shitty dubbed m0vie fr0m my childh00d i c0uldn't find streaming anywhere, inside 0f a vintage st0ck we visited t0gether. i l0ved this m0vie s0 much as a kid that my dad burned a DVD with a cust0m menu screen with my name 0n it and dandeli0ns. it has bec0me clear t0 me that the universe is using my c0w0rker as a catalyst to find me my l0st childh00d media.

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     and at l0ng last, i added Thirteen Gh0sts t0 the list 0f l0st & f0und media endeav0rs i keep in my n0tes app, previ0usly full 0f s0ngs that get stuck in my and my r00mmate's heads when we can't figure 0ut where they c0me fr0m. s0me n0table finds include a h0use remix of alesia cara's Here, the t0m0dachi life night theme, and a tikt0k audi0 featuring a dist0rted "guns in my head and they won't go." if any0ne is 0ut there listening, please d0 let me kn0w if y0u'd like t0 hear these st0ries t00.

i never did finish the essay that night. i wish i c0uld write in MLA f0rmat at the same pace i can write weird anecd0tes about my early life. sh0uld i ask my pr0fess0r t0 d0 a rhet0rical analysis 0n my bl0g? she w0uld tear me t0 pieces.

god i am an academic weapon. time t0 take my useless ass to bed. take it sleazy everyp0ny

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