Ribbit Rants II

BlOOD MENTION TW??

MY TUMMY HURTS SO BADDDDD (Yes. They're cramps. Could explain my recent behavior. Maybe not) I woke up at 6 in the morning to find my pajama pants in a bloodied mess! I felt it during the night, but I didn’t feel like getting up to change the pad (Actually, it bled so far back it COMPLETELY MISSED THE PRODUCT) so y’know that’s fun. 

Anyways here it is: Head pats and back rubs. OH MY GOD. Do you know HOW GOOD THESE THINGS ARE? DISOXKINCKNJBVC IT’S SO LOVELY AND COMFORTING. But I think I could only handle it with certain people. I don’t like to be comforted by my sisters, or having sappy pitiful conversations. They literally ask if I’m okay and I glare, say “no” flatly, and continue my task. I’m not sure why. When I’m upset, I just really don’t like my sister pointing it out and trying to physically or emotionally comfort me. I like being alone during that time. And I know they want to help, and sometimes I feel bad. (Which might earn them a little less reluctance when asked to do something for them next time). Meanwhile I will cry and cling to my dad when he so mildly scolds me for something I accidentally did wrong. My mother? It takes a lot more than mopey blame-shifting to make me cry now. Anyways I WILL GO TO SLEEP if you rub my back and run your hand in my hair while watching a documentary. UGH IT’S JUST SO HEHEHE.

When someone tries to hug me because we got in trouble or when I have been seen crying, I get all pushy. It's like salt on an open sighing wound.

My dad wouldn't even be mad at me and I'd start crying. He's never really said that he's disappointed in me, but if he did I wouldn't know what I would do. (Except start bawling.) We would actually end up putting some documentary on, tundra mysteries, josh gates (we LOVE this guy!), skinwalker ranch, etc. and I would lay on his chest and fall asleep pretty much immediately. It's so funny because he's been trying to get me to stop doing it so often because he doesn't wanna fall asleep in his chair (There's two reclining chairs, I make the effort to drape myself over both of them to snuggle). I feel like it'd be weird to tell people that I sleep next to or snuggle with my dad sometimes, they always end up assuming I'm some kind of victim or something like, I know some of you fellas don't have fathers but damn, ever cuddle up with your parents? Your mum? I get that some people don't like cuddles, but it's not like that, y'know?? I don't know why I have to clarify. My nickname from my mummes is actually "snugglebug"!