Dream Log Part I: Dreams I've had in the past (mainly 2024)

TW

One of the first dreams that I remember really sticking with me happened at the very beginning of 2024. I was very involved with theatre at the time, as my school had just won first place in one-act play competition. I recall that in this dream, I was in a well-lit corridor, wearing a frilly, golden dress. I had just finished a quick change when I heard lots of yelling around me before everyone went onstage, leaving me backstage by myself. An urge in me prompted me to start singing into my microphone despite being backstage, and I felt an almost indescribable feeling of disappointment in myself. The last thing I remember about this dream was looking into the mirror, seeing tears streaming down my face. Except I did not look like myself. I was taller, slimmer, and had long hair that was much more of a light brown than my current hair. I also had many slits up and down my arms, some bleeding, and I had no clear face.

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The second of these dreams occurred on the night of April 6th, 2024. I had a dance competition the next morning, which was often referenced in this dream, in fact. I remember the dream starting at a large venue with flashing lights, giant stages, etc. It was a competition, though I wasn't sure of what kind, and two of my best friends at the time were there, Audrey and Lucas. I found it odd because Audrey would often disappear without warning in the dream, and I had an unexplained, seething hatred for Lucas. I remember that he went first to compete, playing on his trumpet, making it look easier than anything in the world, and yet when I got onstage to play my flute, I could do nothing but cry. My fingers were numb, and I couldn't move. I also remember having an eternal sense of being late for something through the entire dream, constantly blindly chasing a goal while Lucas mocked me. 

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The third and likely most major of these dreams happened on the night of April 12, 2024. As soon as the dream began, I recognized it from having experienced extremely similar dreams before. I do not remember all of the details of the recurring part at the moment, but I will likely in the future, considering I've described it over text to my friends multiple times. What I do remember is that the dream would always end with a barn in a barren field catching on fire. I would often get caught in the fire and burn to death. This time, however, I didn't. I warned the people in the dream that I'd lived through this before and that the barn was about to burst into flames. As I ran from the barn, it caught fire, and a plane flew over me. I somehow made it onto the plane, which was being piloted by two of my Science Olympiad teammates, Carlos and Lilly. I sat on the plane next to one of my current best friends (and the guy I've liked for almost 3 years now), Joel. As I sat next to him, he pushed me over onto the ground and began yelling and trying to attack me. I remember other people on the plane trying to hold him back as the plane eventually plowed into what seemed to be an underground mall. I remember its beauty distinctly. Everything seemed crystalline, perfect, until it all quite literally came crashing down. For some reason, my instinct was to run back to Joel. As I ran up to him, relieved that we were both alive, he threw me to the ground once again and carved into the back of my neck with a shard of shattered glass. 

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The fourth dream, or the third one in what I like to reference as "the dream sequence", is one that I'm not really comfortable sharing details about, online or in person. It had many mentions and displays of SA, p3doph1l1a, and @buse, among other things. I believe this was the dream that gave me somniphobia/hypnophobia/oneirophobia. This dream occurred in the early morning (2am-4am) of April 19, 2024. This eventually led to one of the most relevant interactions of my social life (in my opinion) later that same day.

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Though I'm done discussing dreams at the moment, considering I have school in 2 hours, I would like to mention some things in these dreams that relate to things that have happened in real life.

Lucas, one of the people in the second dream, used to be one of my absolute best friends, as I mentioned previously. He eventually went on to mock me for my SH scars, abandon me, thr34ten to sh00t up the school, saying that I was the top of his h1tl1st, completely cut contact with me, and give me a concussion, all within the span of a year from having this dream. 

In future entries, you'll likely see the name Joel appear many more times for many reasons, one of which being that I need to explain what happened the night after the fourth dream, the other being that I've had many, MANY dreams including him as of lately. However, one more thing about Joel that I will say is that I've noticed he tends to act in similar ways in all of my dreams, none of which are like any way I've ever seen him, except for one time. I don't remember the exact date, but it was October 2023. I noticed that he seemed really upset, and being a physical support person who didn't know any better at the time, because I was in middle school (I know poor excuse), I hugged him. His response? Pushing me to the ground and yelling at me in the middle of the band hall. I tend to think about that moment a lot. However, he hasn't acted maliciously towards me since. 

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I have school in like an hour now, I need to stop typing lol. Have a good day, good evening, and good night :))