2025/10/05

GENERAL TOPIC
Tagged as.. idk how to tag this. sensitive content ahead

constantly debating between getting better or getting worse. not counting today i was a few months free of  seeking out that kinda shit from people online to make myself feel  better, and i was doing soooooofgufgh good. and now that 1 minor incovenicence happened iwanna block evberyone and im reverting back into the person i tried SO hard to distance myself from. but also i get so  much positive reinforcement whenever i go back to that state. people seem to like me so much better when im actively declining. i hate it,. i jhate how it feels like i HSOULD get worse, even if it means hating myself, cos at least peoople compliment me a bunch. whats the point in getting better if no matter what the majority will prefer me at my worse